


He Eats Snow For Breakfast

by nerakrose



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Fourth Wall, Gen, Metafiction, Mostly Dialogue, Rehabilitation, Science, Serious Injuries, all through dialogue, and other useless things, and sciencebabble, and so is this author, and the plot is buried in a lot of meta, bruce is or is not a monster, clint can stare through walls, find the plot, fury hates space conventions, in which loki undergoes a rehabilitation scheme, loki plans to install internet in space, natasha is batman, no seriously there's a lot of talking, pepper's minor is in classical literature, probably feels too, some crack is to be expected, steve would like to do things to tony, thor tries to save the world, tony is so done, we also get precariously close to the fourth wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-21
Updated: 2012-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 21:53:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/602471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerakrose/pseuds/nerakrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an injured Loki shows up at Avengers Tower a good year after the Chitauri invasion, the Avengers find themselves turning into babysitters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Eats Snow For Breakfast

**Author's Note:**

> Hela is based on my knowledge of the mythological character. This is a somewhat Loki-centric gen!fic, but most Avengers get to shine in the spotlight as well.
> 
> My betas are inside_the_veil and mrs_jack_turner, to whom I'm eternally grateful. ♥

Tony regretted his decision to not install cameras, motion sensors, or other surveillance equipment in his bathroom when he walked in to find a bleeding Loki in his shower.

"JARVIS!" Tony said loudly, rushing over to the shower stall. "Call an ambulance. Also wake Thor and Bruce." He reached into the shower to turn off the water, which was ice cold.

Loki was soaked through, unconscious, and the pink water below him turned deep red when the shower spray stopped. Tony watched with a sick feeling in his gut as the pink swirls disappeared through the grid inset in the floor.

"Fucking bastard," Tony muttered and checked his pulse, praying that his physiology wasn't too far removed from human physiology. Loki's skin was cold and clammy. "Don't be dead or Thor will kill me, you just know he will because this is not okay, this is my shower and you're not allowed to die in my shower, you get that?"

There was a pulse. It was weak, but Tony was sure there was definitely a pulse.

"JARVIS!" Tony yelled.

" _The ambulance is on its way, sir. Thor and Mr Banner likewise._ "

"Brilliant, I'll just, I don't know, do something?" Tony ran a hand through his hair, looking at Loki, trying to understand what had happened to him.

He was barely dressed, and what he was dressed in seemed to be mere rags, though it was hard to tell, soaked as his clothing was. Was that a loincloth? His arms, legs and torso were bare and covered in slashes. Some of them fresh and deep, some scabbed over.

There was no accounting for all the blood, though. Tony nearly panicked, knowing there must be a severe wound somewhere on his body, just out of sight, but with the way Loki was slumped against the wall, he couldn't see.

And he couldn't move him, dammit, he was frozen in place, Loki's weight and stiffness working against him.

"What ails you?" Thor asked, worried, as he stepped inside with Bruce right at his heels. Bruce was in track pants and a t-shirt, but Thor was fully dressed in his Asgard regalia. He froze when he saw Loki and Tony kneeling beside him. "What has happened?" He was beside them in a second.

"I don't know, he just appeared here all of a sudden. I - Jarvis how long has he been here?"

" _I do not know, sir,_ " JARVIS answered reluctantly. " _I was not aware that an intrusion had occurred. I believe he has entered the tower by unorthodox means._ "

"Unorthodox my ass," Tony muttered. "Magic more like it."

"Get him out of there," Bruce said, nudging Thor to move. "He's losing a lot of blood. Have you managed to locate the wound?"

"Are you not seeing the million of wounds on his skin?" Tony said while Thor dragged Loki out of the shower stall. Loki didn't respond in the slightest; he didn't even let out a single, involuntary sound. "This is serious, isn't it?"

"It is," Thor said, laying him gently out on the floor. "I have never seen him this wounded before, not even when -" He quieted, hardening his jaw.

"The shower was on cold when I found him, is that a thing? Asgardian thing? Frost giant thing?"

"He always claimed he found comfort in the cold," Thor said, reluctantly. "He said it eased his pains when hurt."

"Thor, I need you to help me here, this guy weighs a ton. Lift here, yes -" Bruce was kneeling next to Loki, attempting to examine him.

Loki's back was covered in slashes, but they all looked superficial. His legs, however, were covered in blood, which was obscuring the wound it came from. Thor laid him gently down on his back again. Bruce gestured for him to lift his left leg carefully. He ran his fingertips along the underside of Loki's thigh, searching for wounds.

"Nothing on this side, try the other leg - whoa!"

There was a deep gash on his thigh, and as soon as Thor raised his leg the blood flowed freely. Tony felt his stomach revolt as he realised exactly what he was looking at.

Bruce pressed the sides of the wound together. "Put something under him, we need to elevate him - thank you, Tony, Thor, just stay in position, okay, Tony I need some bandages, something that won't give too easily and duct tape is not an option here. Do you have anything in the house?"

" _Upper left cabinet,_ " JARVIS informed them.

Tony retrieved the bandages from the biggest first aid kid he'd ever laid his eyes on, silently thanking Pepper, and started unrolling them. "How...?"

"Start tying them around his leg here, yes, like that, good." Bruce held the wound together and Tony carefully rolled the bandage around Loki's thigh. It was messy, Bruce's hands were slick with blood and the bandages soaked through instantly.

" _The ambulance has arrived. I took the liberty of sending the paramedics up,_ " JARVIS said. " _They're on their way._ "

"Thank you, Jarvis." Tony tucked in the end of the bandage just as two people in navy blue uniforms walked in, stretcher between them.

"We're dealing with severe blood loss," Bruce informed them as he moved aside. "There's a pretty serious gash on his leg, but it missed the femoral artery. I don't know what else. He's not regained consciousness while I've been here."

"He was out when I found him," Tony supplied. "I don't know what happened to him at all."

"Torture," Thor said darkly, and Tony whipped his head up, having nearly forgotten that Thor was there at all, and wasn't that unnerving. Quietness did not suit him at all. "My brother was imprisoned for his crimes, but I did not think he would be treated in this way."

One of the paramedics - a woman, Tony noticed - had fastened a needle to Loki's hand and was administering liquid.

"This is Loki?" the other paramedic asked, hesitating for a second. "The one who -"

"Yes," Bruce cut in, mildly.

"Are you refusing to treat him?" Tony asked. "Because dude, that's not on."

"I lost my mother because of him," the paramedic said, looking torn.

"You swore an oath," Bruce pointed out. "Thor is going to help you put him on the stretcher. He may look skinny, but he's heavy."

"Different body mass and all," Tony chirped. "I'm guesstimating he clocks in at around five hundred and twenty pounds. It's rather amazing."

"Right." The paramedic didn't look entirely convinced. "Let's get him to the hospital. He's likely to need blood transfusions."

"Yeah, about that," Bruce said, washing his hands. "This guy's essentially an alien. We don't know if human blood is compatible with his. I've not had a chance to study his blood yet, but if it's anything like Thor's, then that's not going to work."

"Is he in severe danger?" Thor asked abruptly.

"I think," the female paramedic said, carefully, "that he will be all right. His wounds need to be disinfected and closed, he's going to need liquids to stave off dehydration and a lot of rest to restore his blood. He's very cold, so we may have to treat him for hypothermia. If he's been tortured, as you say, we need to examine him for other injuries as well, and..." she trailed off. "He needs to wake up, too."

"Off you go," Tony said. "Oh, I need to call Pepper." He snapped his fingers and suddenly there was a flurry as the paramedics and Thor put Loki on the stretcher and the female paramedic covered him with a blanket.

He looked pitiful, oxygen mask over his face, tube extending from under the blanket and a hint of bruises and cuts on his jaw. Tony noticed now, for the first time, that his hair was a dirty, tangled mess.

" _I have already taken the liberty of contacting Ms Potts_ ," JARVIS said. " _As the press seems to have discovered there's an ambulance parked outside Stark Tower._ "

"Brilliant," Tony said. "Thor, buddy, want me to come along to the hospital?"

"If you would be so kind," Thor replied. "I must admit I place no big trust in your medical institutions."

"Bruce?"

"No thanks." Bruce looked at the mess of blood all over the floor and shower stall. "I think I'll mop this mess up. Collect some samples while I'm at it, I figure they might come in handy if I can analyse them."

"Let's go, then."

*

"You might want to NOT treat him for hypothermia, the guy's a frost giant, _he eats snow for breakfast._ " Tony turned to Thor. "Thor, help me out here, it can't possibly be good for him."

Thor hesitated. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "Loki was never cold. At least not on the outside... Temperature matters not much to Asgardians. We can endure a great deal."

"Yeah, but this guy is a frost giant, sorry to rub it in, but he's not an Asgardian of body," Tony said, pulling his tablet out of his pocket. "I've got some data on him from the helicarrier, you know, stint in cage and all, there's some readings -"

"But he is wearing an Asgardian form," Thor said.

"I know, but look at this, he was in this form in the helicarrier as well, right, and these are the temp readings." Tony enlarged the tape recording and punched a few symbols and suddenly the clear image vanished and in its place were blotches of colour. "The red is hot and the blue is cold. This large blue Loki-shaped blob here? He's cold, his core temperature is a mere fifty degrees. On Earth, the normal human body temperature is ninety-eight point six. Now, I will make a not-so-educated guess but I'm willing to wager this tablet, it's a Stark prototype by the way, and whatever cash I've got on me, that raising his temperature above fifty degrees is going to be very, very _bad_."

The doctors and the single nurse stared at him.

"I admit I do not understand," Thor said. "How come he is not cold to the touch?"

"No idea. My guess is the Asgardian body is like a shell, of sorts. It shields him from the warmer temperatures in Asgard and here on Earth, perhaps, and it's designed to look and feel like a real Asgardian body." Tony shrugged. "I'd have to study him to know, but I'm no biologist. Bruce could."

"But what if he's too cold?" the nurse asked. She was eyeing the thermometer sticking out of Loki's mouth. "This reads thirty-five point six."

"No clue. My readings suggest his normal temperature is fifty -"

"Frost giants need cold to restitute," Thor interjected, lightening up a little. "I remember - my mother taught me about them. When they're wounded, they withdraw to cold. It heals them." He gazed at Loki and his face tinged with sadness. "And my brother always preferred the cold when he was hurt, even if he might not have understood at the time why he did."

"Word of god," Tony said. "Literally. Do not raise his temperature and everyone will be happy, okay?"

One of the doctors, a tall woman with a short buzz cut and a nametag that read ' _Burrowman_ ', cleared her throat. "Very well, Mr. Stark. We will take your advice, given that we are dealing with a species we haven't been trained for."

"Good, good." Tony put his tablet back in his pocket, then took it back out. "And on the matter of blood transfusions, you didn't, did you?"

"No." Burrowman looked affronted. "Since you very firmly and explicitly demanded that we were not to do so."

"Fantastic. I'm going to call up Bruce on this thing and see if he's got any news for us."

The doctors and nurse all exchanged glances. Thor narrowed his eyes at them.

"Bruce, you there?" Tony poked the tablet. "You're there, great, hang on, I'll throw you onto the wall." He hit a few symbols and with a smooth flick of his hand, the tablet was projecting onto the wall over Loki's sickbed. "You're on."

"Well." Bruce cleared his throat. "I tried to do a simple blood type test, but..." He glanced at something off screen, a rather exasperated look on his face. "Strange things happened, let's just put it like that. I wouldn't give him human blood, there's no saying how the antibodies are going to react to each other."

"Could he not have my blood?" Thor asked. "If he is in dire need of blood, I am willing to give it to him."

Bruce pursed his lips. "I compared your blood...I was just looking at both your and Loki's blood under microscope. Loki's blood appears normal enough; there are red blood cells and white blood cells and everything else you would expect there to be in blood, but the red blood cells have a different shape than human cells. Your blood is more similar to human blood than Loki's, but I don't dare say whether he can handle your blood, as it's also different from his. Perhaps it is possible, I don't know. I'd need to run more tests and likely _invent_ a couple of tests, and I'd need more blood... I'm almost out of samples, here, this would take weeks or months to get through..."

"So basically, no blood transfusions, ever?" Tony said. "Just putting this straight, here."

"Well, yes, unless you happen to have a frost giant on hand whose blood type is compatible with Loki's," Bruce said. "Assuming that their blood has types akin to ours."

"What does that mean?" Thor demanded. "He has lost a lot of blood."

"Treat him with iron supplements," Bruce said.

One of the doctor's cleared her throat. This one's nameplate read ' _Honeybourne_ '. "It is generally the policy of this hospital to not treat anemic patients with blood transfusions unless their situation is _extremely_ dire," he said. "This patient, however, is stable. I'm relieved to hear he can be treated with iron supplements. Are you certain, Mr...?"

"Doctor Banner," Bruce said. "Yes. The structure of his blood seems to be the same as the structure of human blood and also Asgardian blood in that it needs iron to carry oxygen. It is very interesting as it suggests that the base structure of all living and breathing species operate on the same principles across the universe...ahem. I would suggest parenteral iron treatment, perhaps using ferric carboxymaltose, as it allows for higher doses." He paused. "This is just my professional opinion. I will leave the decision making to you, Doctor."

"Thank you, Doctor Banner." Honeybourne nodded. "That's an excellent suggestion, and I think we'll take it."

"Oh. Thank you, for valuing my opinion, Doctor. I'm, uhm, gonna...go do some more tests." Bruce smiled hesitantly. "Oh, and Tony, Pepper saw the bathroom, I didn't quite...finish mopping. Just a warning."

"Good lord." Tony sighed. "Well, well. Thanks Bruce. Taking you off screen now." He poked the tablet and Bruce vanished off the wall, which suddenly looked a lot darker.

"Are we all set? Because I need coffee. Thor, do you want some coffee? I'll grab you some coffee, you look like you need it."

"Thank you," Thor said but Tony was already gone. He lowered himself into the chair next to Loki's bed.

Honeybourne wrote something on a chart, and then turned to the nurse. "Give him thousand milligrams of ferric carboxymaltose through the IV. Leave the oxygen mask on for now." She carefully tore a piece of paper off her board and handed it to the nurse, who left immediately.

She then turned to Thor. "He doesn't _really_ eat snow for breakfast, does he?"

Thor shook his head. "He eats regular fare."

"Thor, you eat poptarts," Tony said, having just returned with two steaming styrofoam cups of coffee. He handed one to Thor.

"As a snack," Thor said, frowning. "One cannot subsist on poptarts only."

"So he eats the same as the rest of us, then? No raw fish from forbidden lakes?"

"No." Thor looked up. "Was that a so-called pop culture reference?"

"Yes!" Tony beamed. "You and Steve should compare notes. You're getting better at this thing."

"Thank you." Thor looked dubious.

"So, buddy, want me to stay with you? On Loki watch?" Tony gestured at Loki. He still looked pitiful, but his hair had been washed and his wounds dressed, and he was now wearing a hospital gown in place of the soaked rags.

He noticed the two doctors quietly vacate the room.

"If you do not mind, I would be very obliged."

"Not at all," Tony said and dropped into the other chair.

"Do you think..." Thor trailed off.

"That he'll wake up? Sure." Tony shrugged. "They say he's stable, he's all patched up and he's getting treatment. And if his healing factor is anything like yours, he'll be fine in no time."

"My brother _is_ capable of fast healing," Thor admitted. "But he always had the aid of Asgardian medicine."

"See, he'll be fine. This is the best hospital in the city, you know. I paid to have only the best doctors look at him, and Bruce is doing all kinds of stuff in the lab. He's in good hands."

"I know." Thor sighed. "And yet I cannot help but worry. It was a great shock to see him again like this."

"Of course it was, buddy, of course it was."

*

Tony woke up to find himself in a hospital chair with Steve leaning over him.

"Bwuh?" he said, intelligently.

"Jarvis told me what'd happened," Steve said. "Why are you sleeping in a chair?"

"Doesn't matter." Tony sat up straight, groaning as he realised he was stiff and achy all over. "Thor's still asleep?"

Steve looked over his shoulder, then turned back with a whisper, "I don't think he's slept at all."

"Oh." Tony slumped back. "What time is it anyway?"

"Six thirty."

"I'll just go right back to sleep in this chair, okay?"

Steve shook his head affectionately. "I came to see if you wanted breakfast. Or maybe to get out of here."

"All right." Tony got up. "Thor, buddy, do you want breakfast?"

"No." Thor didn't even look at them. He was pretty scary, actually, the way he was staring at Loki.

"Can we bring you something?"

Thor shrugged. Tony looked between him and Loki. "We'll be back, okay?"

"Thank you," Thor said.

"He's kinda scary," Tony whispered to Steve.

"I know," Steve whispered back. "See you later, Thor."

The hospital canteen was just at the end of the hall, but Steve led him to the car, and took him to a breakfast cafe instead.

 

"So," Steve said, as he poured syrup over his stack of pancakes. "How come Loki showed up here?"

"You mean, in my shower, bleeding his heart out?" Tony corrected, breathing in the scent of his coffee. "I haven't the faintest. Your guess is as good as mine. He was just _there_. Bleeding."

"And now we're helping him?" Steve had a slice of pancake on his fork so big that Tony doubted he'd be able to fit it into his mouth without making either a mess or a fool of himself.

"Were," Tony said. He pulled his own plate of pancakes closer. "Were helping. It's the decent thing to do." He shrugged and dug in. "Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing."

"I would," Steve admitted. "But this is Loki we're talking about. How do we know he doesn't have an ulterior motive?"

"I doubt he has." Tony put a forkful of pancake in his mouth and chewed. "You didn't see him. Guy was a mess. Not even conscious. He was in some deep shit." He shook his head and swallowed. "No, if you ask me, he looked like a cat who'd crawled away somewhere to die."

Steve looked down at his half-devoured stack of pancakes. "Are you sure we did him a favour by helping him, then?"

"I didn't say he'd tried to kill himself, jesus, we don't know what happened. We don't know if he _wanted_ to die. Although if he ups and kills himself when he wakes up, I may have to do something drastic." Tony paused. "The way I see it, he could've gone anywhere. Anywhere in the nine realms, and where did he go?"

"To Stark Tower," Steve said slowly.

"Exactly." Tony pointed his fork at him. "So we might be his enemies. And Stark Tower might not have been the best place to go to, considering the fact it houses Clint Barton _and_ Phil Coulson, emphasis on Clint, and Natasha. And you and Bruce and me. But there's Thor, and maybe he was aiming for Thor? But either way, he headed to the one place on Earth that would not have been a wise choice for him to head to, and that tells me that he was in bigger trouble where he came from than he would potentially be in here."

"Let's say you're right." Steve put more syrup on the remainder of his pancakes. "He was still...awfully quiet about it? Let's be real; if he'd wanted us to notice him, he'd have made a ruckus or announced himself, or something. He can't have been unconscious upon arrival, can he?"

"No, I don't think so. The shower was on. He'd have had to be conscious to turn it on." Tony tapped his fork against his lips. "Let's ask him what he was thinking when he wakes up."

"Mmh." Steve nodded, picking up his coffee. "What are we going to do about him when he does wake up?"

"Fuck me if I know," Tony answered.

Steve raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure we can work something out to that effect," he said.

Tony spluttered. "Are you serious? It's too early in the morning for sex jokes, Steve, what are you doing, who corrupted you?"

"You forget who I live with," Steve said. His lips curled into an amused smile. "And you forget that I was in the army."

"Interesting," Tony said. "I'm filing this information away for later. Expect to be ambushed."

Steve laughed. "Let's get some food for Thor."

 

Thor was sitting in the same position they'd left him in. Loki had also not moved, the only indication that he was even alive, aside from the machines he was hooked up to, was the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

"That's all kinds of terrifying," Tony said. "We have brought food!" He gestured with the boxes.

"Thank you." Thor looked up. His eyes were bloodshot. "I am very grateful, though I do not think I have much appetite."

"Tuck in, you'll feel better." Tony put the box in his hands. "We got you a latte as well."

"Really?" Thor brightened considerably when Steve handed him the take-away cup. "Thank you."

"No problem." Tony jerked his head towards Loki. "No changes, then?"

Thor shook his head, mouth full of donut. "The nurse came and administered some more medicine, I think," he said, enunciating carefully around the donut. "But his state remains the same."

Steve was standing by the foot of the bed, gazing curiously at Loki. "He looks so small."

"I believe my brother has lost a great deal of weight," Thor said darkly. "He is but a shadow of himself."

"I think he's waking up," Steve observed, and the look on Thor's face would've been comical had the situation not been so serious.

"Loki?" Thor leaned over the bed, box of donuts discarded on the chair, the half-finished latte next to it. "Brother?"

Tony moved to the other side of the bed, curiosity overtaking him, while Steve went to find a nurse. Loki's eyes were twitching and his breathing was coming faster now.

"Brother! Do you hear me?" Thor was gripping the bedside so hard Tony was sure it was going to have dents in it.

Loki blinked once, then twice, then closed his eyes again. "Thor," he said hoarsely. His oxygen mask misted up a little. "Should've known..."

"I don't know what you were expecting," Tony said. Loki's eyes flew open. "Fanfare and roses, maybe? Sorry to disappoint."

"Stark." Loki's voice had a peculiar tone to it. "What are you doing here?"

"Dude, you were in my shower. Bleeding. I've a right to be here." Tony crossed his arms. "How the fuck did you get there anyway?"

Loki closed his eyes with a small huff. "I opened a rift in time and space," he said, slowly. He spoke as if every word was causing him pain, which, given recent events, probably wasn't too far from the truth.

"As interesting as that is, I wasn't actually asking about the physics of it," Tony said.

"I found a nurse," Steve said, returning with a little plump woman in tow.

At his words, Loki seemed to realise that he was in a strange place. His eyes opened wide and he tried to lift his arms, finding one was constricted by Thor's hold on his hand and that the other had a needle sticking out of it.

"What...?" He gasped and tried to take off his oxygen mask.

"Don't take that off, son," the nurse said, putting it back in place. "Glad to see you awake. How're you feeling?"

Loki glared at her and she tutted.

"My name is Amara and I will be looking after you today," she said, raising his bed a little. "Are you hungry?"

"No," Loki replied sullenly. "Go away. All of you."

"I _was_ just leaving," Tony said. "Weren't we, Steve?"

"Wha-? Oh. Yeah." Steve frowned. "Were we?"

"I spent the whole night here because of you," Tony informed Loki, "but since you do not appreciate this kindness of heart, not to mention the fact I made sure to get you patched up and all, I'm going to _leave_. I will discuss this ungratefulness later."

Loki glared. Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Thor, will you be okay?" Steve asked, giving up on making sense of Tony.

"Yes," Thor said. "My heart is much lighter now that my brother has awakened."

"Go away, Thor," Loki muttered.

"No," Thor said with force. He was still holding on to Loki's hand.

"Come on," Tony said, hand on Steve's arm. "He's not going to run off and try to conquer New York again. At least not in this state."

*

"Why do you keep visiting Loki in hospital?" Clint asked one morning and everyone froze. Excluding Coulson, who continued eating his breakfast unperturbed.

"I'm not visiting Loki, I'm visiting _Thor_. Do you know he lives there now? He moved into the chair in Loki's room, literally moved into the chair, and the creepy thing is he hasn't showered or changed clothes for _two weeks_ but he looks absolutely pristine," Tony said, affronted. "Must be an Asgardian thing."

"His cape was looking limp yesterday," Steve added.

"Everyone, this is Steve, Steve keeps me company because he is made of compassion. And also a little bit of suspicion, but don't tell him I said that." Tony patted Steve on the shoulder.

Steve rolled his eyes. "I packed spare clothes for Thor. Thought he might appreciate them."

"You are adorable. I could kiss you." Tony re-filled his coffee mug.

"Go ahead," Steve said.

Coulson choked on his tea.

"Keep saying that, Cap, and I will." Tony sipped his coffee. "Hey, we should pack some colouring books for Loki. I bet he'd love them. Don't we have a stack of colouring books around here somewhere for baby fans?"

"Thor's got a stack in his room," Natasha said. Everyone turned to stare at her. "PR gave him some last month for that kindergarten outing we did. Thor kept the surplus."

"Deal," Tony said. "Crayons?"

"Colouring pencils," Natasha corrected. "It was a high-brow outing."

"Gotcha." Tony grinned.

"I still don't get it," Clint said. "I'd have let the bastard die." He stabbed his toast with his fork. Coulson quietly put a hand on his neck and fuck, that never stopped being weird.

"Good thing it wasn't your shower he ended up in, then," Tony stated. "Look, let's be serious here, I don't really care whether you'd have let him die or not. That's your decision and I understand why you'd make that decision. I'm just not wired that way. Someone turned up, hurt and bleeding, and I help. That's what I do, I help people, or try to, and sometimes I fuck up. And maybe it's a fucked up thing to help this guy." Tony shrugged, trying to go for nonchalance. "I couldn't have let him die in my shower. There are very few people in this world I'd have refused to help."

"Yeah?" Clint crossed his arms. "Care to share?"

"Obadiah Stane." Tony tapped his chin. "I actually killed him, so there's that. Because the thing is, here, Stane hurt me on a _personal_ level. Loki, I'm impartial towards."

"Loki is still the bad guy here," Steve interjected. "I'm not going to forget what he's done."

"I'm sure as hell not," Clint said vehemently. "That bastard got really up and close _personal_ with me and if I ever see him again, I'm going to take his fucking eyes out."

"I think I'd just sit him through a lecture on feminism," Natasha said.

"Ohh, is this a new game? I like it. Well, let's see. I think I'd make him pay for the repairs _and_ renovations on my tower. I know a guy in banking, I'll get him a shit rate for his Asgardian cash."

"I'd teach him not to be a bully," Steve said, and then: "Tony, we're late."

"Coming, coming, Bruce what would _you_ do to him?"

Bruce sighed, taking off his glasses to polish them. "I think I may already have taught him humility, so I don't know. Maybe I'd just lock him up in my lab for research."

" _Tony_ ," Steve said, putting both his hands on Tony's shoulder and steered him gently towards the elevator. "Now."

"But the colouring books!"

"I already retrieved them."

"When?" Tony demanded, whirling around. Sure enough, Steve had a bag hanging off his arm, bulging with civilian clothes for Thor, colouring books and packets of colouring pencils. "Sneak."

"Efficiency pays off. Happy's waiting in the car."

 

Loki's hospital room was quiet. When Tony and Steve entered, they saw Loki resolutely turned away from Thor, and Thor sitting in the chair, asleep.

"Wakey wakey," Tony said and poked him. Thor blinked slowly blinked awake. "We brought you clean clothes. And you," he said, turning to Loki, "get colouring books."

"Colouring books?" Loki eyed him suspiciously. He'd regained some colour in his cheeks and most of his bruises and cuts had healed over by now.

"For entertainment." Tony took the bag off Steve and pulled out the stack of books and pencil packets. "There you go."

"The clothes are just civilian ones," Steve was explaining to Thor. "And they're clean. We thought you might want to maybe have a change."

"Thank you. It is much appreciated," Thor said and gracefully accepted the pile of clothes Steve handed him. "I shall go and change immediately."

"Sure thing." Tony dropped into the other chair and then Thor left, leaving him and Steve alone with Loki.

"What am I supposed to do with these things?" Loki asked, eyeing the books warily.

Tony leaned forward to pick up one of the packets of pencils and open it. "Pick a colour and then colour in the pictures. It's great entertainment. Very therapeutic."

"Why should I?"

"Because you're bored," Tony pointed out. "Here, let me show you." He picked a colouring book at random and opened it. "Ohh, this one's great, it's full of us. I'm gonna colour Steve."

"What?" Steve whirled around. " _Oh._ "

Tony carefully selected a blue pencil and started colouring in the blue parts of Captain America. "Steve, pick a book. There's plenty of them."

"I thought they were _my_ books?" Loki said, warily selecting a book from the pile. The book he selected was full of dinosaurs.

"Technically, they're Thor's." Tony grabbed a book and handed it to Steve. "There, sit down and join us."

"Do I have a choice in the matter?" Steve asked, seating himself in Thor's chair. He opened his book, realising his seemed to be full of Disney princesses.

"Nope," Tony said gleefully. He'd finished the blue parts and was now searching for a red pencil.

"Fine." Steve resignedly selected a purple pencil and started colouring in a dress.

Loki carefully flicked the pages, the expression on his face oscillating between horror and confusion. "What _are_ these things?"

"Dinosaurs. Big, scary animals."

"You have those here?" Loki held the book out between thumb and index finger.

"They died out a long time ago," Steve explained. "They're all extinct. All that remains are skeletons in museums."

"Dinosaurs rock," Tony supplied.

"Well...what colour are they supposed to be?"

"That's the cool thing." Tony searched for a white pencil. "No one knows, so you get to decide."

Steve finished using the purple pencil and put it back, going for a pink one instead. Loki picked up the purple pencil and tentatively started filling out some of the blank areas of a Brontosaurus. When Thor returned, he promptly picked a colouring book and seated himself on the floor and started colouring too. His book had cars in it.

"Gentlemen," an amused voice from the doorway said. They all looked up simultaneously.

"Oh, hello nurse," Steve said and stood up from his chair. "Should we leave?"

"Yes please. I need to change Mr Loki's catheter," the nurse said.

"Change my what?" Loki asked.

She held out a clean, thin tube. "This. The thing you pee through," she explained.

Loki paled. "You mean the thing that... No. _No_ , absolutely not, you are not getting to put that in."

"This is great, this is better than colouring," Tony said, throwing the green pencil onto the bed. His colouring book was open onto the page of a half-finished hulk.

"Honey," the nurse said.

"Amara," Loki said, eyes wide in terror. "I'm warning you."

"Wuss," the nurse said. "It'll take all of thirty seconds if you do not fight me and I warn you, young man, I _will_ win this fight."

"What's a catheter?" Thor asked, looking at the standoff between the nurse and Loki warily.

"We'll tell you outside," Steve said, abandoning his colouring book and dragging both Thor and Tony outside the hospital room.

From inside the room there was a loud yelp. "I refuse!" Loki exclaimed. "I can walk! I don't need that thing!"

Steve explained to Thor in a low voice exactly what a catheter was and where it went, while Tony tried not to spy too obviously on the goings-on in the hospital room.

"This is great," he said. "This is the best thing I've seen all week."

"You can't laugh at other people's misfortunes, Tony," Steve said.

"Oh, I'm not laughing. I'm merely entertained."

" _You foul harpy!_ "

"I'm laughing now, can I laugh now?"

"I believe this is no laughing matter," Thor said sternly and Tony shut up, because okay, that was scary. "My brother seems genuinely upset about this Midgardian invention."

"He'll be fine," Steve said, dubious.

"Did you see that nurse?" Tony said. "Terrifying woman. Reminds me of, well, Pepper."

Steve shot Tony an amused look. "Thor, how much longer does Loki have to stay in hospital?"

"I do not know. Doctor Honeybourne said perhaps till the end of the week, but it is not for certain." Thor scratched his head. "It is very peculiar. In Asgard he would've been fully healed by now."

"Time is slower here?" Tony suggested. "Relatively speaking? Physics are different here? I don't know, buddy, this alien stuff makes no sense."

"I understand very little of the difference in physics," Thor admitted. "I might perhaps ask Jane or Doctor Banner."

"Mhh." Tony nodded. He tried to peer through the blinds into the room. It was suspiciously quiet in there. "Are they dead?"

"I hope not," Steve answered, alarmed.

A loud curse word, followed by a slap, sounded through the door. They looked at each other.

"Did she just slap him?" Steve asked.

"He probably had it coming," Tony grinned. "This is fantastic."

"Is she _allowed_ to?" Steve walked up at the door, trying to sneak a peak.

"What, are you ratting her out for giving the villain a bitch slap when he probably deserved it?" Tony raised an eyebrow at him. "To hell with hospital protocol."

The door opened suddenly and they stood face to face with the nurse. "This one gets no dessert today," she said as she walked past.

Tony stared after her. "Yep, definitely Pepper."

*

"He's not a threat to anyone, seriously, did you see him?" Tony gestured frustratedly. "He's as harmless as a kitten and why are you talking to me about it, I'm not his babysitter, he doesn't belong to me, does he have a name tag around his neck that says Tony Stark, maybe, no he doesn't, I checked and there is no name tag."

Fury looked at him calmly. "I am talking to you, Stark, because you found him."

"He appeared in my shower! Out of nowhere!"

"He is a problem and one we have to take care of in one way or other," Fury said, folding his hands in front of him.

"Send him back to Asgard, I don't care."

"He didn't come from Asgard." Fury leaned back. "He came from Niflheim. Thor informed me that he was imprisoned there and guarded by a frost giant by the name of Vaffle."

"Vaffle?" Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Easier to pronounce." Fury pushed a file case across the table. "Now, Thor also informed me that there is apparently a type of universal Geneva convention in place - it does include Earth, apparently, but as the convention was signed about two or three thousand years ago in Earth time, obviously Earth as we know it does not know this as we are not renowned for our good habit of recordkeeping."

"And this is relevant to me how?" Tony put a fingertip on the file case and spun it around on the table.

"According to Thor, this convention must've been broken."

"Uhuh."

"So what we're dealing with here, Stark, is a prisoner of war who was unfairly treated because _we_ sent him away and so the goddamn convention puts it on _us_ to rectify this shit."

"We didn't send him anywhere, _Thor took him_!" Tony protested. "We're not liable to a fucking thing, I know a good lawyer, he can sort out this mess -"

"It's not that simple." Fury nodded at the file case. "Thor provided us with a copy of the signed documents and we had people down in linguistics translate them for us. According to these documents, _we_ , as in Earth, knew that Asgardians send their prisoners to Niflheim, _we_ knew that Niflheim is guarded by frost giants and so _we_ are being held accountable for the crimes against Loki while in prison, because _we_ should've known better than to send a prisoner of war to a place where he was most definitely going to be mistreated."

"I'm gonna call Matt." Tony fished his phone out of his pocket and hit speed dial #3. Fury plucked it out of his hand and hung up before the first ring could go through.

"We _have_ had people look at this, Stark."

Tony crossed his arms and humphed. "So now what?"

"Thor's in Asgard again to negotiate."

"And Loki's alone in the hospital?" Tony raised an eyebrow in mock surprise.

"Of course not." Fury crossed his arms as he leaned back in his chair. "That hospital has been crawling with undercover SHIELD agents since he was admitted. I've got snipers on every roof within a five mile radius. That son a of a bitch ain't getting anywhere."

"Except he managed to sneak into my shower undetected while nearly dying," Tony pointed out. "Via a rift in time and space, if he's to be believed, and my systems didn't pick up on it, so I wouldn't put my trust in those agents."

"I've got Strange and Richards maintaining a magical shield over the place."

"Richards?!" Tony gaped. "I'm _insulted_. I feel violated, very violated and very hurt, I thought I was your science man, Fury, I thought we had a thing here."

"Shut up, Stark." Fury rubbed his temples. "I'm telling you this because you are the leader of the Avengers -"

"Whoa whoa whoa, rewind, leader? Me? Am I in Steve Rogers' body, because that sentence is not making any sense whatsoever."

"Rogers is the official leader. He's the leader in battle," Fury said, glaring. "The team lives in your house. You have unofficially become the unofficial leader, or co-leader, if you will."

"Tower," Tony corrected. "I'm not, what are you basing this on, have you been spying on me?" Tony peered at the patch.

"Coulson keeps your files updated at all times."

"I knew it." Tony drummed his fingers on the tabletop. He pursed his lips.

"Stark, I'm telling you this because I need _you_ to build a prison powerful enough to keep Loki in."

"Right away? Because delivery time is going to be, say, oh three years."

"Just get on it, Stark, in case we need the damned thing."

*

"Friends," said Thor. "I must speak to you now as Prince of Asgard."

"Welcome back," Clint said. "What's up?"

"I have tidings from Asgard. Please, let us go into the round room." Thor gestured down the hall. He hadn't taken his helmet off yet.

"Uh oh, this sounds like serious business," Tony said. "After you, Cap."

"I'll get Bruce," Natasha said and slipped past Thor, as everyone else gathered in the conference room.

"Is this Avengers business or should I get Director Fury on the screen?" Coulson asked. Thor considered his request.

"Fury needs to hear this also," he said. "This is a matter that regards all of us."

Natasha and Bruce turned up and everyone took seats around the round table in the conference room, Tony drumming his fingers on the tabletop impatiently. Coulson set up a two-way video conference with Fury on the big screen.

"How was Asgard?" Tony asked.

Thor took the seat directly opposite the screen. "Asgard was Asgard," he said. "I am speaking to you now as Thor Odinson, Prince of Asgard and not as Thor, Avenger. I hope you understand the difference, because this is important and I do not wish to mix up my personal life with my political duties."

"Isn't that kind of...too late?" Bruce asked carefully.

"That may be," Thor conceded. "But nevertheless, I must make the distinction."

" _Has the Asgardian council made a decision?_ " Fury asked.

"The council has made a decision," Thor agreed. "I took part in the negotiations on behalf of the Avengers and Earth, as Earth is under my protection." He paused. "Asgard refuses to accept Loki until he has served his penalty."

" _What's that supposed to mean?_ "

Thor held up his hand and Fury's lips thinned.

"It was decided in the council that due to Loki's severe mistreatment in Niflheim, his sentence has been shortened. Furthermore, it has been decided that he is to undergo a rehabilitation scheme. Only when he has completed this altered sentence will he again be considered Asgardian royalty and may travel freely between Asgard, Earth and the other realms."

"O-kay," Tony said. "There's something here that doesn't add up. If Asgard won't take him back, where is he to serve the rest of his time?"

"On Earth," Natasha said, looking Thor into the eye. "And it's not only Earth, is it? They expect _us_ to take care of this matter."

"Yes." Thor looked truly sorry. "I argued against this demand, but the council was in agreement that he is to remain on Earth and undergo a rehabilitation scheme here. They were of the opinion that Earth has shown remarkable results in rehabilitating criminals, and so it was decided that this is what is to become of Loki."

"Seriously?" Tony leaned over the table to face Thor. "They seriously think that if we send Loki to a shrink he'll come around? _Redeem_ himself?"

"A shrink?" Thor asked in confusion. "I'm afraid I do not understand this Midgardian term."

"A psychologist," Natasha explained. "Someone whose job it is to sort out people's heads. Mental and emotional issues."

"I see." Thor took his helmet off, setting it down in front of him carefully. "The council did not specify who is to undertake the task of Loki's rehabilitation. The expectation seems to be that this task should fall upon the Avengers. For this I am very sorry, my friends, for I know which distress he has caused you." His eyes flickered to Clint and Coulson.

"How long?" Steve asked.

"Six months in Earth time," Thor answered.

"And if we refuse?" Clint straightened his back. "I'll remind you, Thor, that this guy not only brainwashed me, _he nearly killed my husband_."

"I know," Thor said unhappily. "I did not wish for this to happen. There _is_ another choice. If you do not wish to undertake this task, the council has agreed that he is to serve the remainder of his original sentence in time, in a prison on Earth."

"His original sentence in time," Tony repeated. "How much time are we talking about here?"

"In Earth time, one thousand eight hundred years," Thor answered with a grimace.

"I vote for that," Clint said. "I'm all for it."

"That is highly impractical," Tony said. "I can build a prison strong enough to withhold him in my lifetime. Probably the next too. But two hundred years into the future? I could make provisions. Five hundred years? It's starting to get tough. A thousand years?" Tony made an all encompassing gesture. "The world as we know it is not going to exist in a thousand years. This is the nuclear waste argument all over again. A thousand years from now, there will be no one to remember who Loki is, who we are, what's going on with this all. The Earth is going to have a problem if Asgard or someone else comes charging to make claims for his sentence, because the people a thousand years from now did _not_ have a say in the matter."

" _Much as it pains me to say it, Stark is right,_ " Fury interrupted. " _One thing is that I am not willing to take this responsibility on my shoulders, but another thing is that SHIELD serves the people. We are here to protect the world and it's citizens. SHIELD cannot, with good conscience, agree to this plan on behalf of future generations._ "

"Verily," Thor said.

"Did you just say 'verily'?" Clint asked, faintly. "I...please don't tell me that I have to have anything to do with Loki. I'd kill that bastard in a heartbeat if you let me within five feet of him."

Coulson leaned over to whisper something in his ear. Clint glanced at him quickly, but didn't answer in any way.

"I have delivered the message from the council," Thor said. "If you allow, I would prefer to continue this conversation as your friend in arms."

"Sure, buddy," Tony said. "Right, guys? And Natasha," he added hastily.

"I have one more question before you put your princely duties away," Bruce said. "Please don't misunderstand me. I'm a doctor. Part of what I do is save lives. I don't regret stepping in to help the other day, a life is a life and I can't with a good conscience turn a wounded man away." He paused to consider his words, then continued, enunciating his words slowly and carefully. "What I would like to do, is draw a line between keeping someone from dying and then actively try to rehabilitate the patient. He is recovering from his wounds and blood loss at the hospital, I understand, and that's fine. But his mental care, for that is what this matter is about, is not something I feel should fall to _us_ when it comes to this particular patient."

" _Can_ he even be redeemed?" Clint asked, perhaps a little too sharply.

"I would like not to go into that discussion," Bruce answered. "I am merely stating that Loki has wronged us all - perhaps some of you more than me - and I fear for our own mental equilibriums. Thor, has the council taken this into consideration? The point is hardly to punish _us_ , but to punish Loki?"

Thor looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm afraid that is the case. According to the Suhurmasku Intergalactic Convention of War, Earth made a mistake when Loki was taken back to Asgard and must now pay for that mistake. I admit my role in the decision and I'm sorry for causing you this trouble. Had I been aware at the time what would happen, I would perhaps have made a different one."

"Wait, what?" Clint narrowed his eyes at Thor. So did Natasha. "We are actually being punished here?"

"I'm afraid so," Thor admitted.

"I can still call Matt," Tony said, this aimed at Fury.

" _If you think a blind ninja lawyer is going to overturn the ruling of an ancient convention, be my guest,_ " Fury said. " _Sorry kids, but this is going to happen whether you like it or not. Six months is a relatively short time. It'll be over before you know it._ "

"That was such a reassurement, thank you," Tony said and turned to Steve. "I feel reassured, do you feel reassured?"

"No," Steve said, frowning at Tony. "Don't joke about this."

"Make me," Tony leered.

"Maybe I will," Steve replied.

"Ohh, you've got your Cap on. Hot." Tony leered some more.

"Do you have any other questions for the Prince of Asgard?" Thor interrupted, raising his voice somewhat.

The table was silent.

"Then I step out of my duties as Prince of Asgard for the time being," he said, "and return to my role as Thor, friend. Director Fury may leave if he wishes to."

" _I trust you to keep me updated on important business, Agent Coulson_ ," Fury said and signed off. The screen went blank.

Thor's transformation was uncanny. Though he had let emotions show on his face, he had been straight backed and regal during the conversation. Now, he breathed out and once again resembled the Thor they had come to know.

"I..." he paused. "Friends, I do not wish more harm upon you than you have already experienced," he said. "But I must speak on behalf of my brother if you will let me."

"Go on," Clint said, wary. "Can't be worse than what we've already heard."

"My brother has been hurt in more than one ways. His physicals wounds have healed, but his emotional wounds have not. I am sad to know that I have been the cause of some of them. I would ask you..." Thor cleared his throat. "I would ask you to agree to a rehabilitation scheme that would allow Loki to live with us, where I may have a chance of repairing my relationship to my brother and perhaps help him see his own worth."

"Well, when you put it that way," Tony said, folding his hands on his chest. "It needs more puppy eyes, though. Not buying it yet."

"You do realise what it is you're asking of us?" Steve said, leaning forwards on his elbows. "Ethically, I'm not against it, but I have to think of my team's well-being."

"My concerns are the same as Steve's," Bruce said, nodding. "I don't particularly want to do this, but I do agree that it might be a good solution in the right environment. I'm just not sure _this_ environment is the right one."

"How about no?" Clint said, crossing his arms.

Thor's face crumpled a little.

"I'm surprisingly okay with it," Coulson said. "So long as we can avoid that any one of us, and by that I mean Clint, gets hurt."

"I'm not okay with this," Clint said, turning to Coulson. His face was set in anger. "What the hell, Phil?"

"If I did not believe in redemption you would not be here," Coulson said. "And neither would Natasha."

"Can I opt out of the whole thing?" Clint asked. "I'm warning you, things will not go well."

"I believe you can refrain from participating," Thor said. "I certainly hope so, for your sake, if not for my brother's."

"If that's the case, then I'm on board with it all," Natasha said. "I have strong beliefs about change and I think if we want to avoid future problems with Loki, then we should do our best to help him recover."

"Does he _want_ change?" Bruce asked pointedly. "We can't change someone who doesn't want to change. From what I gather, he's pretty _convinced_."

"No, he isn't," Coulson said. "His cause wasn't _his_ cause, if you get my drift. He didn't believe in it."

"And you know this how?" Clint crossed his arms. "Did you get a good long look into his soul when he stabbed you through the chest?"

"Yes," Coulson simply said.

Thor's eyes flickered between them, but he kept silent.

"Sorry to break up the discussion, but I'm interested to know whether there's a consensus here," Tony said. "Not that I'm not absolutely fascinated, but I really want to go back to the workshop, like now."

Clint looked warily at the rest of the team. A muscle in Steve's jaw was jumping, which _was_ fascinating, and Bruce was rolling his thumbs. Natasha was gazing at Thor, who was looking at each of them in turn and waiting for their verdict.

Steve cleared his throat. "I believe I'm speaking for everyone on the team when I say that we accept to do this," he said. "Am I correct?"

No one moved.

"Yes or no?" Steve said, a little more force behind it this time.

"Yes," Tony said. "I said it."

"Yes," Bruce said.

Natasha nodded.

"All right," Clint said reluctantly. "On condition that my role in it will be minimal."

"That's yes from all of us," Coulson said.

Thor let out a relieved breath. "Thank you, my friends. I will be in your debt."

"Will you assume responsibility for Loki?" Clint asked, looking up.

"No." Thor paused. "I understand what you are asking, Clint, but I cannot take responsibility for his actions and the hurt he may cause. What I _will_ do, is take the blame. I am asking you to put yourself in harm's way for mine and my brother's sake, with nothing to gain. For this I am grateful, but also understanding that I am at fault should anything come to harm you. Is that acceptable?"

"Yes." Clint sighed. "Yes it is. I can't really ask for more."

"Good." Tony stood up. "We done then? Dummy's waiting."

"Not quite." Coulson stood up. "I will look into putting together a rehabilitation programme. Loki is expected to be released from the hospital in three days. You will have been briefed on the programme by either me or a SHIELD-licensed therapist beforehand. Rest assured that I will take your skills and comfort levels into account while putting this thing together." He looked at his watch. "I will make sure he will be subjected to a psychological evaluation. The programme will be tailored to both him and you."

"Sounds good. You do know I'm no good at shrink stuff, right?" Tony said. "I'm a wealth of issues all on my own."

"I'm aware," Coulson replied. He gave him a small smile.

"I trust you," Steve said as he stood up. "Thank you, sir."

Coulson's smile widened. "No problem."

"Thank you," Thor said. "If you have no need for me now, I will go back to the hospital and keep my brother company."

*

"This is unnerving." Clint paced the living room floor. "How can you be so calm?" He stopped in front of Bruce and Natasha. "Nat."

"There's no use in pacing," Natasha said. "There is no use at all letting myself become agitated."

"How do I know I won't kill him on sight?"

"You've already done it once," Natasha reminded him. "You can do it again."

The elevator door slid aside, but it was only Pepper. "Happy messaged, they're on the way," she said. "Natasha, would you mind helping me keeping the press in check? Somehow it leaked that Loki is moving in. I need someone competent and reliable to say a few words on TV."

"Of course," Natasha said, "but isn't SHIELD handling the press?"

"It's not good enough." Pepper rummaged in her bag. "Someone remind me why I work for Tony again?"

"Not _for_ Tony. You are the CEO of the most influential company in the world," Natasha said with a smile. "Are we going with the denial angle or a partial disclosure?"

Pepper sighed. "Partial or full disclosure. If we deny anything's going on, they won't leave us alone."

"Is that advisable?" Bruce chirped in. "Just making sure."

"Coulson gave me the go ahead to tell the press whatever I please," she responded, giving the man a small smile. Coulson nodded back.

She checked her phone. "Happy's at the back. The boys will be up in a minute."

They all stood up. Clint had stopped pacing and now stood stock still next to Coulson. Steve stood on his other side, slightly in front of him. Bruce lined up next to Steve, and Natasha placed herself by Coulson's left side.

Pepper was the only one who stood apart, foot tapping nervously.

The elevator door slid open and Tony sauntered out. "Miss me?" He looked over his shoulder briefly, then walked over to Pepper with a huge grin on his face. "What a lovely surprise, Pep, didn't know you'd be here."

He didn't get more than a pointed look for answer from Pepper and then Thor and Loki stepped out of the elevator at a sedate pace. Loki was drawn, wearing a set of civilian clothes, not unlike what Thor usually wore. It looked so foreign on him that no one really knew what to think, much less say. Thor was also in his usual civilian get up, which lessened the impact somewhat, but the sight was still no less strange.

Loki stopped just inside the room, looking at everyone warily.

"This is my brother Loki," Thor said, but his voice was lacking in his usual booming enthusiasm. "You have already met Tony." Thor gestured towards Tony and Pepper, who stood closest."The lovely lady is Pepper."

"Hello," Pepper said, extending her hand. Loki eyed it warily.

"It is Midgardian custom to shake hands upon greeting," Thor prompted.

"Hello," Loki said, eventually taking her hand. The shake was short, but Pepper had a quite strong grip. Loki eyed her suspiciously, then let his hand fall back. "This is a strange custom."

"I find it delightful," Thor said with a smile before walking forwards and wrapping Pepper up in a hug. "I hope you are well?"

"Yes," Pepper said as she was put back on her feet. "But I have to go now. Natasha, I will need you in about ten minutes. Can you make it?"

"Yes," Natasha replied, stepping out of the line up. "Actually, I'll come down with you." She stopped in front of Loki and offered her hand. "I'm Natasha Romanoff. We have met." She squeezed Loki's hand hard. "I hope we will have a _wonderful_ time together."

She slipped into the elevator where Pepper was waiting, right before the doors closed. Loki looked after her. His lips were thin.

When he turned back to the remaining Avengers, he found he was suddenly face to face with Clint.

"I'm not going to shake your hand," Clint said. "I want to stab your eyes out with a fork."

Loki did not say anything in return and merely regarded him. Clint's face hardened and then he turned away, stalking down the hall. A door slammed after him.

Coulson stepped forwards, extending his hand. "I was right," he said mildly. Loki took his hand slowly, shaking it as Coulson did.

There was no reply to that either, and Coulson vanished down the hall after Clint.

"Well wasn't that just peachy," Bruce said, his tone humorous and his face anything but. "I'm Bruce and I'm not sorry."

"Not sorry for what?" Loki raised an eyebrow. "For being a monster?"

"Ah, but that is one thing you and I have in common," Bruce said, extending his hand. "I'd say welcome, but I'm afraid that would be a lie."

"Honesty," Loki said. "Such a tiresome thing."

Bruce chuckled. "You _would_ think so." He shook his head. "Well, if you need me I'll be down in the lab."

There was only Steve left. He stepped forwards, tall and straight backed, with his face on serious mode.

"Welcome," he said, perfectly politely, and stuck his hand out. "I trust you will not forget that you are, in fact, a prisoner and your stay here is conditioned by your behaviour."

"How could I forget?" Loki answered, taking his hand. "I'm in a place inhabited by people who'd rather see me dead than put up with me."

"Be that as it may," Steve said. "But you will co-operate with us."

Loki's mouth made a disgruntled line. "Yes," he said. "As I have no other choice."

"Indeed." Steve sized him up. "You don't."

"So, where is my holding cell?"

"There isn't one," Tony said. "You have a room. Yours is next to Thor's and coincidentally also the one located furthest from Clint and Coulson's room."

He gestured them to follow and Thor tugged Loki along. Steve followed.

"I was not aware that they shared a bond," Loki commented. "Though it does explain why Clint Barton harbours such dislike for me."

"Dude, there's also the part where you brainwashed him and forced him to kill his colleagues," Tony pointed out. "The stabbing his husband through the chest bit was just the cherry on top. We all thought he'd _died_." Tony gave him a disapproving look. "You're very lucky we didn't kill you on the spot."

"It would've been for the better," Loki answered.

"It would not," Thor protested.

"It would've been the end," Loki said.

"I will not hear you speak of such things," Thor said and turned Loki to face him.

Loki regarded him levelly. "Very well." He gave him a small, bitter smile. "I will not mention it again."

Thor searched his face, but Loki remained impassive.

"Anyway," Tony interrupted. "That in there is your room. There's a bathroom ensuite and I warn you, if you're going to bleed in it I will evict you. Your blood is some tenacious shit. I had to bring in professional people for the clean up job."

The room was like any other bedroom in the tower, if slightly more impersonal. There was a double bed, a desk and chair below a window, a built in wardrobe and a door leading off to the bathroom. The furniture was dark but the bedspread and curtains were a light, creamy colour.

"I took the liberty of purchasing some clothes for you. They're in the closet." Tony pointed. "Thor is next door, as I said."

"I'm on the floor above yours," Steve said. "You'd do best in avoiding Clint. He's got the top floor. It's easily avoidable. The communal area is on this floor."

"And that was the grand tour." Tony flashed them a smile. "Brilliant, now that's over. So, go make yourself comfortable or something, or not, I don't know what you particularly want to do. If you need something, just ask and Jarvis will sort you out."

Loki stared.

"My artificial intelligence," Tony clarified. "The voice in the ceiling. Thor will explain. Now, if you need _me_ , I'll be down in _my_ lab, but don't take it as an invitation."

*

After a week of Loki sitting quietly at the breakfast table and the dinner table, of Clint glaring at him from across the room and through walls and from the ceiling, of each and every one of them stumbling through the schedule Coulson had given them, after a whole week of endless frustration and more than enough death threats from both sides - Loki went down to Bruce's lab.

"You wanted to see me?" he asked.

"Oh, yes." Bruce waved him inside. "I wanted to get some samples for some tests if that's alright with you."

"I'm not sure." Loki stepped into the laboratory. "What does it entail?"

"Well." Bruce put down the pipette he was holding. "Basically what I want to do is map out the Jotun genome. I'm halfway done with the Asgardian genome - Thor was kind enough to provide me with samples..." Bruce gestured at the big screen to his right, which was showing DNA sequences and a string of numbers. "I am doing a contrastive analysis of the Asgardian and human genomes in an attempt to understand not only Thor's physiology, but also human physiology."

Loki peered at the screen. "What would you do with my... samples?"

"The same." Bruce rolled over to the screen and pulled out another file. "I collected some of your blood earlier and ran some preliminary tests." He enlarged a digital rendering of Loki's blood cells, another rendering of Thor's blood cells and finally a third rendering of human blood cells. "These here on the left are your blood cells. In the middle we've got Thor's and on the right we've got human blood cells."

"Fascinating," Loki said and looked like he meant it. "So you require more of my blood?"

"Just a small sample," Bruce said, giving him a reassuring smile. "You're still recovering from your blood loss, so it would be irresponsible of me to take more than a few millilitres."

Loki humphed, crossing his arms. "I am not fond of those iron pills I am required to eat," he said. "They taste of blood."

"I agree that they are not very pleasant. Nevertheless a necessary evil if you want to recover to your full health." Bruce closed down the files and retrieved the one he was working on.

"If I let you take my blood, will you explain this science to me?"

"If you don't think you'll be bored by it, sure," Bruce answered. "Some of this stuff can be pretty dull."

"I enjoy learning."

"Well, then." Bruce opened a drawer and produced a needle, syringe, a vial, some plastic encased cotton and a bottle of disinfectant. "We have ourselves a deal." He assembled the syringe quickly and then gestured towards a chair with armrests. "Please sit down."

Loki sat down carefully and Bruce pushed a stool over, taking a seat next to him.

"Have you seen one of these before?" he asked, holding up the needle.

"In the hospital," Loki said. "I was given medicine with one of those sometimes."

"Ah, so then you already know what to expect." Bruce smiled. "If you'll roll up your sleeve and hold out your arm to me, like this, yes, good."

Bruce opened the plastic case and took out the cotton. He wet it and rubbed it against Loki's skin. "This is a disinfecting liquid," he explained. "You'll feel a little prick. You can look away if you want."

"I don't mind," Loki said, peering down curiously.

He didn't react noticeably when Bruce pricked him and looked on as the little vial filled with red. Bruce withdrew the needle and dabbed a fresh piece of cotton over the little puncture wound.

"Do you want a regular Band-Aid or a cartoon band-aid?" he asked, reaching over to another drawer. A few seconds later, he was showing Loki the band-aids.

"What's the difference?"

"The Cars one is for Tony, the Dumbo one for Clint and the regular one is just a regular one." Bruce smiled. "Tony doesn't really need babying, but he likes the band-aids."

Loki stared at the band-aids in bewilderment. "The flesh-coloured one," he said eventually.

Bruce put the two cartoon band-aids back and removed the foil from the regular band-aid. He put it on Loki's arm carefully. "There you go." He put the vial into an empty test tube holder while Loki rolled his sleeve down.

"What is the purpose of studying this...genome?" Loki asked.

"Genome is a term that covers the complete set of genetics of a particular species. The human genome is a map of the human genetics - genetics are what decide what we look like and how we are constructed. My particular set of genes decided that the colour of my hair should be brown, for example," Bruce explained. "Natasha's genes decided hers should be red. But we both have a gene for hair colour. I have one for red hair too, but that gene isn't activated, hence why my hair isn't red. By studying the genetics, one can find out why we get afflicted with certain diseases and how to combat them, among other things."

"It is a complex science," Loki said, folding his hands over his stomach. "Asgardian science is unlike Midgardian science, but I am familiar with the concept of everything consisting of smaller components. There are components so small that they are invisible to the eye."

"Indeed." Bruce blew up the digital blood cell renderings again. "Your blood consists of smaller components than you can see. There are the blood cells, but your blood cells consist of even smaller components. Your body is made up of various kinds of cells. Inside every single cell, there's a string of DNA, and this is where it gets complex and dull." Bruce smiled wryly. "The DNA contains your genetic information, to put it one way. Every single human being has a unique DNA sequence as every single human being is unique. There are no two things in nature that are exactly alike."

"Two things may appear alike," Loki supplied. "In Asgard there are sometimes born two children to the same mother who are identical in appearance."

"Ah, identical twins. They exist here too. Identical twins are a special case in that they share the same DNA. Close studies of them reveal, however, that as they grow up, they have fewer and fewer traits in common, but that's a science I am not very well versed in. More accurately, you could say that it's not a relevant science to me."

"And what is a relevant science?" Loki gave him a shrewd look. "There must be a gain in studying unearthly genomes. Have you perhaps...exhausted Earthly resources?"

Bruce sighed. "I've exhausted every _known_ Earthly resource, to put it eloquently." He paused. "Maybe there is a gain. There is hope and there is reality. It took several years - decades, even - to map out the human genome. And it's just a map. There are unknown areas. There is so much we don't know yet. Maybe the solution is there - who knows?"

"The solution to the monster that lives inside you?" Loki asked, leaning closer. "I have educated myself, Doctor Banner. I know what you are and that you hope to quell it."

"Yes," Bruce said simply. Then he lowered his stool and leaned forwards, supporting his arms on his knees, so that they were face to face. "Let me tell you something I've come to realise about myself. I'm a monster. You knew that. I knew that. What's more is that I've learned to live with this monster, to work with him. I keep him in control and let him out when it's useful. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm a monster, and it doesn't change the fact that it's self-inflicted."

Bruce spread his hands. Loki regarded him coolly, but there was curiosity in his eyes.

"So I've been working for a long time, for many years, to find a cure. I have lived in the hope that one day, I could rid myself of this monster I'm carrying around. I've fooled myself into believing that the cure can be found in a certain flower, in a certain combination of radiation and various chemical formulas, and so on. I see the cure in _everything_." Bruce looked him in the eye. "But the thing is, the thing is, even if I find a cure, I won't be rid of the monster. Because you see, the monster is _me_. I may be able to revert my body to what it used to be, but the monster is still there. And do you know why? Because the monster is in here." Bruce tapped his head with a finger. "I have had bad things happen to me, Loki. And I have done bad things. I have made mistakes and I have let this all, all the bad things in my life, rule who I am. It would be easy to blame it on the monster, but the reality is, the monster didn't do it. The monster didn't do it, because the monster is me. _I_ am the monster."

The silence stretched between them. Neither moved for a long time, aside from Loki fiddling with a small pouch in his jeans pocket, but eventually he wet his lips.

"And yet you keep searching."

"Because I have to." Bruce stood up. "It's how I fight my demons."

"You seek absolution," Loki stated. "You think that by undertaking this task you will be forgiven."

"It's nothing so simple as that."

Bruce turned his back on Loki and went back to his screen and test tubes. "If you would be so kind and let me take some tissue samples later, I would be much obliged," he said.

"I am curious about one thing," Loki said. "How do you hope to combat your monster with mine?"

"I'm not interested in your monstrosity," Bruce answered. "I'm interested in your genetics."

"Those are one and the same," Loki stated. "I am the monster and the monster is me," he quoted. "Is that not what you said?"

"No." Bruce looked over his shoulder, catching Loki's eye. "Genetics don't make the monster."

Loki stood up and walked away.

*

Natasha was the only one left at the breakfast table when Pepper came upstairs.

"Have you seen Tony?" she asked, looking rather harried. "I need him to sign these papers, he should've done it last week, but - are you all right?"

"Do you sometimes feel like your whole world has been turned upside down and you don't quite know what's real anymore?" Natasha asked. "Or maybe it's more accurate to say that you don't quite know how you managed to get yourself into this situation."

"Oh, honey," Pepper said, drawing out the chair next to Natasha to join her. "All the time." She smiled wryly. "It's become marginally worse since Tony took up superheroing."

She earned a small chuckle for that. "The real superhero here is you," Natasha said and took a sip of her tea.

"What's caught you out?" Pepper asked, changing the subject.

"You mean which part of this whole charade?" Natasha asked, gesturing around her. "The me being an Avenger bit? Or the part where I live in Tony Stark's house? Or maybe the fact that I'm babysitting a norse god on a weekly basis?"

"That's an interesting choice of words." Pepper raised an eyebrow. "If I didn't know better, I'd even venture so far as to say that charades aren't really your thing."

"Ha-fucking-ha." Natasha gave her the stink-eye, then picked up her spoon. "It's a charade, isn't it? A game of playacting and pretend?"

Pepper gave her a scrutinising look. "Is that what you think you are?"

"I'm not a hero, I know that for sure." Natasha shrugged. "How can I be a hero when I am who I am?"

"You are forcing my hand here, Nat," Pepper said, "and this is going to sound like it came right out of a glossy rag for teenagers and women who do not understand that their self-worth is not intrinsically linked with what they do -"

Natasha laughed. She put her head back and _laughed_ , her laughter ringing out loud and clear, and she laughed until she was all out of breath. Pepper crossed her arms.

"Sorry," Natasha said, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve. "It's just. You were actually serious, ohgod, I'm sorry, that was not what I meant at all. I'm _not_ having _self-worth issues_."

"Oh really," Pepper said dryly. "Because it sure as hell sounded like it to me."

"Nope, not that." Natasha put her arm around Pepper's neck and drew her into a little half-hug. "I appreciate it, you know." She smiled. "There's nothing _wrong_ , you just caught me thinking."

"Thinking is a dangerous thing," Pepper replied, sounding a lot less disgruntled now. She uncrossed her arms. "What were you thinking about if it wasn't self-worth issues?"

"I was merely philosophizing about myself." Natasha pressed her lips to Pepper's cheek briefly. "Nothing to worry about."

"Well, are you going to tell me?" Pepper sounded exasperated. "Or am I supposed to guess? The whole mysterious thing was sexy at first, but now it's starting to get mildly irritating."

Natasha giggled. "Okay, okay." She squeezed her shoulders and then pulled away, reaching across the table to grab the pen, which someone - most likely Bruce - had forgotten. "Do you have something I can write on?"

Pepper rifled through the papers on her clipboard and came up with what looked like a draft to a letter. She turned the blank side up and pushed it over.

"Thank you." Natasha turned the piece of paper sideways and drew a stick figure woman on the far left. "So, this is me. This is my starting point." She drew a dot. "At this point in time, this woman isn't a hero. She's a spy, an assassin, and someone with no real loyalties. She'd just gotten out of a pretty sticky life-situation, to put it that way, and on her conscience she had a fuckload of hits."

Natasha drew a new dot and a line connecting the two. Above the new dot, she drew another stick figure woman.

"At this point in time, the woman is a mercenary. At this point, everything she does is for her own survival - you know the story, sans details, but that's how it went. It was about survival before, too, but not in quite the same way, as at this point, she has no one but herself to rely on. And she takes paid jobs and does them well and tells herself she doesn't care about her victims."

"Do I want to ask where you're going with this?" Pepper asked, bumping her shoulder against Natasha's.

"Shush, we'll get there." Natasha smiled softly. She drew another dot, another connecting line, and another stick figure. "And now we get to this point. The woman's out on a job and this time there's someone hunting her. It's not the first time it's happened, but the difference is that this time, whoever's coming for her, is talented and knows what he's doing. Suddenly, she's in a bit of a pickle and she knows she won't get out of it alive. She thinks, fair enough. I got this far, I survived for this long. I survived because I wanted to survive, not because I was a good person, not because there was a point in my surviving, I just...held on to life. And then Clint said, come with me. And there was a _situation_."

"Did he really just say that?"

"Pretty much." Natasha tapped the pen on the table. "That wasn't the first time this woman here found herself in a weird situation or wondered how she got herself into it. But it was the first time the situation turned to the _better_ , if 'better' is defined as being hired by SHIELD and given a stable roof over one's head and colleagues who care. It was a funny thing, and perhaps slightly undeserved, but so long as SHIELD had a use for her, she wasn't going to complain. It meant she was surviving for a little longer."

"And now?" Pepper asked, as she watched Natasha draw another dot, this one so far to the right on the sheet of paper that there wasn't space for another after it, a connecting line and yet another stick figure. This stick figure had slightly shorter hair than the others.

"And now, the woman belongs to a group of people who call themselves the Avengers and are lauded as heroes. And she looks back at the other dots, at previous events in her life, and wonders how she can be a hero - there's a lot of red in her ledger, a lot of red that hasn't been wiped out, even with her years in SHIELD, and all this red...how can a hero have this much red and still be a hero?" Natasha said. "This woman is no hero. She is still only surviving."

"There's a dictionary definition of a hero," Pepper said, "and it goes like this: ' _A priestess whose lover Leander swam across the Hellespont nightly to visit her. She threw herself into the sea after he drowned one stormy night._ '" Pepper smiled. "The next definition is: ' _A person who is admired for their courage or outstanding achievements._ '" She paused. "Now tell me, which definition is yours?"

"I should've seen this coming." Natasha narrowed her eyes at Pepper. "You don't get to use your minor in classical literature against me."

"Oh, no, sweetheart. Not against you." Pepper was amused. "The point was rather; there are many definitions of _hero_."

"And what's your definition?"

"A hero is someone who overcomes their own obstacles." Pepper found Natasha's hand and squeezed it. "Being a hero isn't about who you're born as. We're all born naked and it's our choices in life who define us. Some of us make bad choices, but some of us get past that and make good choices. A hero is someone who looks back and says ' _I'm not that person anymore. I'm working for the greater good now._ '"

"And I look back and I see what I've done and I think, I may not be that person anymore, I may be working for the greater good now, but that doesn't negate what I've done," Natasha argued. "Wherever I go, my shadow follows."

"That's true," Pepper agreed. "And I admit, it's not that simple. Because heroes - just like ordinary people - don't get rid of their pasts. Their past is a defining characteristic, but it doesn't have to be the _ruling_ characteristic. In fiction, the past is often the driving force. Take Batman - his past is his driving force; the loss of his parents symbolise the injustice he fights. He is effectively fighting his past while using it as a driving force to catapult him forwards in his superhero business."

"You can't apply fiction to real life," Natasha pointed out. "Batman is an exaggerated comic character. He's nearly superhuman, with his intelligence levels and martial arts skills and gadgets. Honestly, no one is like that in real life."

Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Tony Stark exists," she said. "Tony might not be the world's best martial artist, but his intelligence levels can easily measure up to Batman's, and if anyone knows _gadgets_ , it's Tony." She gave Natasha a little smile. "But I'm not letting you change the topic just like that. You're deflecting."

Natasha sighed. "I don't want my past to be my defining characteristic. Or my driving force."

"Honey," Pepper said, bringing Natasha's hand up to her lips. She kissed Natasha's knuckles, her smile bittersweet. "It already is."

"No, it's not, not when I'm running away from it," Natasha said. She pulled her hand back.

"You're not running away from it," Pepper said. "You're facing it head on. Don't you see? If you were running, you wouldn't admit to it existing. But you're not running. You're saying, this is what I've done, how can I bring balance into the budget?"

"It shouldn't work this way."

"It's the rules." Pepper took the pen from Natasha and drew a stick figure boy underneath Natasha's first dot. Then she drew a stick figure man and lastly, two stylised bats. "Batman as a child lost his parents. Major traumatic event, blahblah. As an adult, he attempts to run away from his past. He ends up somewhere in Asia and is in prison and in training and whatnot. He comes home and creates the Batman persona and is then ready to face his past and use it as his driving force instead of trying to outrun it. And at the end?" She circled the last stylised bat. "He's a hero."

"I saw those movies too, you know," Natasha said. "And he was only a hero because he sacrificed himself for Gotham."

"Did you miss everything that happened between the opening credits of Batman Begins and the bat exploding at the end of Dark Knight Rises?" Pepper asked. "Look, maybe the movies aren't the best examples for my thesis here as the movies basically deconstruct his entire comic history. The Dark Knight Rises then reconstructs the whole thing. On the other hand, that's what lends realism to Batman and makes him well suited for the point I'm trying to make."

Pepper gave Natasha a look, and then scribbled a few key words above Natasha's stick figure women.

"These two phases you have here, those are your past. They are the crimes you committed, either because you were in a bind - the first one - or because you needed to survive; the second one. Correct me if I'm wrong." Pepper drew a circle around the two and an arrow pointing to the right. "Then we've got the point of no return in your story, the part where Clint takes you in. Do bear in mind that this was obviously a _choice_ on the part of our heroine."

"Why do you think it was a choice?" Natasha butted in.

"You could've chosen death," Pepper said. "But you chose survival. That's your story, you know. Your story is about survival." She smiled brightly.

"Yes." Natasha nodded. "If we apply my life to a literary structure, I suppose that would be true."

"I thought so," Pepper continued, "and that brings us to the fourth point. You've survived, you've made it this far. Our heroine has turned her life around; she's no longer a criminal, she's fighting for the greater good. And at this point, being an Avenger, she's going to need a force to drive her in her work. No one is a hero _just because_." Pepper paused, thinking. "Nope, no one. So, what does our heroine do? She looks back."

Pepper drew an approximate rendition of Stark Tower and a small stick figure woman on top of it. Then she drew a dashed arrow pointing from the figure towards the three previous points.

"She looks back and she sees what she's done and she thinks, there's a lot of blood there. I did this. She also sees," Pepper said, thickening the connecting line between the third and the fourth figures, "that she's done a lot of good. And she thinks, this is what I have to do. I need to continue doing good things if I want to be a hero. And she thinks, my personal motivation for doing the good things, for being a hero, is bringing balance into my budget. And this is the fantastic thing, this is what makes the story a _good_ story; the protagonist couldn't be a heroine without her personal motivation, and it's her personal motivation that makes her a heroine."

"I think," Natasha said slowly, "that I want to marry you."

Pepper smiled warmly. "So you see, you're my heroine."

Natasha chuckled. "You've made your point and you've made it very well." There was a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "But..."

"But?" Pepper raised an eyebrow.

"Sticking to Batman for a while longer, couldn't you argue that this could just as well have been a villain's story?" Natasha said. "If I recall correctly, Harvey Dent said in The Dark Knight that one either dies a hero or lives long enough to become the villain."

"He did," Pepper agreed. "And became the villain himself. The difference between a villain and a hero is that the villain uses his driving force to do bad things. The villain also seeks to bring balance into his budget, but a villain is often vengeful, spiteful and angry. He wants to bring balance by causing more red, to make other people suffer as he has suffered."

"And a hero does the opposite," Natasha concluded. "A hero brings balance by lessening the output of red, or stopping it altogether. A hero is remorseful, compassionate, _and_ angry."

"Not all heroes are angry," Pepper said softly. "You're not one of them."

"No," Natasha agreed. "I wouldn't say I'm compassionate either. I'm remorseful."

"You're also just." Pepper put down the pen and found Natasha's hand instead. "You're also a kind person who cares deeply about her loved ones. You're fiercely loyal. The Natasha I know could never become the villain."

"I have no reason to become the villain," Natasha pointed out. "I have no ambition to become the villain."

"And isn't that enough?"

"To make me a hero?"

"Remember when I said a hero can be defined in many ways?" Pepper asked.

Natasha nodded.

"A philosopher once said that ' _Someone can conquer kingdoms and countries without being a hero; someone else can prove himself a hero by controlling his temper. Someone can display courage by doing the out-of-the-ordinary, another by doing the ordinary. The question is always - how does he do it?_ '," she recited. "Søren Kierkegaard."

"Interesting." Natasha gave Pepper a scrutinising look. "You seem to know an awful lot about heroes," she observed. "Did you write your masters thesis on heroes?"

"No," Pepper chuckled. "I wrote my masters thesis in _business_ on Stark Industries. Classical literature does touch a lot upon the concept of the hero, though, and when Tony took up superheroing...well, I looked into the concept some more. You may say it was in an attempt to better understand him."

"Did it work?"

Pepper shook her head. "No, not really. There's no fathoming Tony Stark. Heroes in general? Yes. You?" Pepper raised an eyebrow. "I will be very disappointed if you tell me you were not listening."

Natasha smiled. "I was listening. And I love you."

"I love you too." Pepper stood up and picked up her clip board. "I do still need to find Tony. Are we still on for tonight?"

"Your place," Natasha confirmed and pulled her down for a quick kiss. "Tony should be in the lab. Try Bruce's lab if you don't find him."

"Thank you." Pepper straightened her clothes. "Oh, and keep the drawing. I don't need the letter on the other side."

Natasha poured herself another cup of tea. When she finally left for her sparring practice, she left the drawing behind on the table. She never noticed Loki emerging from the shadows to look at it. He picked up the drawing carefully, his lips silently recounting the words that had been shared between the two women.

His other hand came up to clasp the small pouch hanging around his neck, half-hidden by his Midgardian shirt.

*

"Oh, hello, Loki, would you mind terribly much if we just let the schedule slide for today?" Tony pushed his goggles off. "I'm not very much in the mood for failure or awkward conversations or _trust exercises_ , come on, what the hell?"

Tony frowned at the piece of paper on his workbench. Some of the print had been crossed out and there were scribbles around the rest of it.

"Come to think of it, there's nothing in this schedule that is even remotely appealing, so, what do you say, we just ignore it and do our thing and don't tell anyone?"

Loki shrugged and closed the door to the lab behind him. "I must admit I do not see the use in these exercises," he said. "I believe the purpose is to brainwash me into becoming a saint." He snorted. "The propagandic nature of the whole thing is not exactly expertly concealed."

"Brilliant!" Tony held the piece of paper in front of his blowtorch. It went up in smoke within seconds. "That's that taken care of. Sit down or something, Jarvis can put on a movie for you if you like."

"Actually, I wanted to ask where I might learn about this...technology." Loki gestured around at the lab.

"Do you mean..." Tony's eyebrows shot up. "Oh lord. You're serious. You want to learn - look, this sort of thing takes _years_. Years of schooling and homework and frustration and blood, sweat and tears, and even then, most people don't even make it as far as I have."

Loki cocked his head. "I have time," he said. "I'm immortal by Earthly standards."

"True," Tony conceded. "You'll have to start with the basics. Do you even know what electricity is"?

"It is a powerful current," Loki said.

"Close, but yet so far," Tony said dramatically. "Jarvis! Where are my school textbooks?"

" _I believe they are boxed up on the loft in the mansion, sir_ ," JARVIS answered. " _May I suggest that new books be purchased for Mr Loki? Your books are no doubt outdated._ "

"Excellent suggestion. Have them delivered today, fast as possible."

"Thank you," Loki said and carefully chose a seat at a respectful distance from Tony. "I appreciate your kindness in the matter."

"Dude." Tony turned the blowtorch off. "Are you always this super polite? It's unnerving. It's _suspicious_. Honestly, what is the deal? It's not fear, for you're not afraid of us, right -"

"I was raised a prince," Loki said. "There is a certain pride in the way one conducts his speech and business."

Tony narrowed his eyes at Loki. "Fair enough." He turned away and drew out the blueprints for the armour upgrade he'd been planning.

"May I ask what you are working on?"

"Armour upgrade," Tony replied. "Also an extension to the fabrication units I've been needing for a while and I've been thinking about giving Dummy an extra arm though only the heavens know why, the last time I tried to give Dummy a major upgrade there were tears. And a large hole. But mostly tears."

"Dummy is your...robot?" Loki asked, as if he wasn't entirely sure.

"Yup." Tony looked up. "Oh! I haven't introduced you. You've not been down here before, have you?"

"I haven't," Loki agreed.

"Dummy! Come over here, You and Butterfingers too. We have a guest, okay, kids, this - Dummy, _no_." Tony jumped down from his chair and put his hand on DUM-E's claw, who'd been tugging at Loki's shirt. "This is Dummy," Tony said. "He's the oldest. Also the stupidest and most useless, don't look at me like that, you pile of scraps, you know it's true."

"And this is a robot?" Loki gave DUM-E a curious look.

"Yes. That one over there is You and this one here is Butterfingers. They're twins. Okay, kids, show's over. Go back to your work."

"Curious," Loki said. "They are your workers?"

Tony blinked. "Oh! You mean - okay, I'd forgotten. The word robot is Czech and means worker, or something to that effect. You know what, I'm envious of this allspeak thing you and Thor've got going on, I'd like to take it and put it into a computer, it'd make things so much easier for me and Jarvis would love it."

" _Indeed I would, sir. I find that my translation tools are subpar._ "

"I know, buddy." Tony peered at Loki. "You know, I think maybe -"

" _No_ ," JARVIS said.

"Spoilsport." Tony huffed. "Anyway. You asked, and yes, they're my robots. They're helper bots, which means they help me in the lab. They fetch me things or do other stuff when I ask for them. Dummy makes me poisonous smoothies so I know he really loves me."

Loki raised an eyebrow at that last remark. "You created these things?"

"Yep. Made Dummy when I was seventeen, that's why he's such a failure most of the time. I've patched up his code so many times I've no idea if there's even any original code left." Tony shrugged. "It's all right. He's Dummy."

"You've created many things," Loki then said. "Why?"

"Why? Are you asking me why I create things?" Tony was baffled. "I...I don't even know what to say to that, it's just, I don't know, I've always made things?"

"I merely find it interesting how some have a drive to bring things to life, or simply building something that did not exist before," Loki said. "Some do not have an interest in these things at all and yet others seek to destroy. You could say that I'm interested in the difference."

"And some do both," Tony pointed out. "I used to make weapons. I _still_ make weapons, actually, but on a limited scale and only for SHIELD and Avenger use. Doesn't change the fact that I still put some of my creative output into destructive forces."

"Oh?" Loki perked up. "You do?"

"Yep. Stark Industries was the leading manufacturer of weapons until I closed the weapons divisions down. Most of our business was with the American army and I, foolishly, thought I was doing good. I was wrong. So I shut it down. No more weapons. Stark Industries' main field is now within renewable, clean energy." Tony tapped his arc reactor. "So there's that."

"What have you against weapons?" Loki asked, eyeing the reactor. "I sense an underlying personal issue, so please do not be offended by my asking."

"Are you for real?" Tony looked at him skeptically. "Okay, listen, I'm not gonna tell you stories of my childhood and woe is me and daddy never loved me and shit, so just forget it. I closed down the weapons division of Stark Industries because I found out that my weapons were being used against our people and I did not want to have that on my conscience. I realised that I did not want to be that guy, the guy responsible for the death of thousands of soldiers who were fighting for America, who believed they were fighting for the good cause, simply because my weapons got into the wrong hands. So I shut the whole thing down."

"So what you are saying is that you wanted to improve your image," Loki said.

"That too." Tony paused. "Weapons are unanimously considered a destructive thing. I was done with that, that wasn't the image I wanted Stark Industries to have and that wasn't the image I wanted linked to Tony Stark. But there's also the other side of the coin, and that is that _everything_ can be weaponised."

Tony reached across the workbench and picked up a partially dismantled gauntlet.

"See this?" He held it out to Loki, then put it on and connected it to the reactor in his chest. "Without this bit in it," he pointed at the round blue circle in the palm, "this would just be a gauntlet. A protective glove, maybe, or a prosthesis. This blue circle here is pure energy and I called it a flight stabilisator. It is, don't get me wrong - but it's only part of what it's capable of. Because it can do this too." Tony aimed the glove at the wall and fired a pulse of energy at it. "Its other function is weapon."

He disconnected the glove and pulled it off again.

"So the real questions is maybe, how do we use what we have? And not, is that a weapon or is it not a weapon?" Tony said.

"The point you're trying to make concerns ethics," Loki said. "Does it not? If I'm not entirely wrong, you believe the correct thing is to use your abilities for the good of man and Earth. You use this technology in your chest to provide non-polluting energy for your planet, am I right?"

"Did Bruce tell you?" Tony tapped his lips. "But yes, essentially."

"Then I wonder, what you truly think of using this technology as a weapon. Are you perhaps of the opinion that the end justifies the means?"

Tony opened his mouth to answer, but then closed it. "I think," he said eventually, "that sometimes one doesn't have a choice. Diplomatics aren't going to prevent my head getting blown off in the face of an alien invasion. So yes, sometimes the end justifies the means. I've done things I'm not proud of. I've done things that are not ethically correct. I've done them to protect my country and this planet and on that basis, I don't regret doing them."

Loki didn't take his eyes off Tony, but his face as impassively blank.

" _The courier with Mr Loki's books has arrived, sir_ ," JARVIS said. " _I have instructed him to leave them with the reception on the ground floor. The receptionist will bring them up._ "

"Thank you, Jarvis," Tony said, shaken out of the strange pause in the flow of the discussion he and Loki had found themselves in. "So, the whole wiping out an entire alien race, assuming that was all of it? Not cool. But I had the choice between letting that bomb wipe out Manhattan and letting it wipe out the enemy. I chose the enemy. Does that make me the bad guy?" Tony shrugged. "Yeah. It does. Would I do it again? Yes. I would."

"You are lauded as a hero," Loki said.

"Which just goes to prove that it all depends on point of view. In the Chitauri history books I'm not going to go down as a hero," Tony pointed out.

Loki shifted on the chair. "You hold very interesting views." He paused. "I once wished to obliterate all of Jotunheim. I wished to do this so that I might be lauded as a hero in Asgard." Loki snorted. "Well, what do you know. Seems like the Asgardians hold the same views as you do. Genocide appears to be universally frowned upon."

"Well, yeah." Tony chuckled, shaking his head. "But dude? Isn't killing our own race off detrimental to, uh, the greater good or something?"

"I won't deny that destroying the planet might have had dire consequences to the balance in the universe," Loki said begrudgingly. "Doctor Banner has told me of gravity and forces of attraction between celestial objects."

"There's that."

There was a loud knock on the door to the lab and when Tony and Loki turned to see who it was, it was Pepper. She had her arms full of books and behind her there was a young girl, equally loaded.

"Your books," Tony said, waving them in. "Pepper! Since when are you a receptionist?"

"I'm not," Pepper said. "I was actually _just_ leaving, when I found this poor girl on the verge of tears because she does not have the clearance to come here, nor the physical strength to carry all this shit. What on earth are you doing?"

She dumped the books onto the workbench and turned to take the other stack off the receptionist. The second serving of books made an even louder thump as she dropped them onto the desk.

"I needed them," Tony said. "Sorry darling," he said to the receptionist, "Pepper will give you a nice bonus or something. Thank you very much, was that all?"

"That was all." Pepper gave him a pointed look, then turned on her heel and herded the girl back out.

Tony picked up the nearest book and leafed through it. "Interesting." He selected a few books out from the piles and handed them to Loki. "Start with the top one."

"Thank you," Loki said. "I am much obliged."

"I have to ask," Tony said, stacking up the remaining books neatly, "what is your interest in our physics?"

Loki glanced at the topmost book. "I wish to understand your physics so that I might learn to use them," he said. "Perhaps I might learn to create something."

"Aaand we come full circle." Tony regarded Loki speculatively. "There was a point in this chat, all this destruction versus creation, okay, so what's the point?"

"Well..." Loki said, slowly. "I have observed that there are many definitions of power on this planet. I was of course aware that this was a possibility, but on Earth this is especially obvious."

"And?" Tony prompted.

"There is power in creating." Loki smiled serenely. "As someone who has never created a lasting object, I find this power fascinating."

"Is this where I should worry about you becoming a power mad maniac and raise the alarm?" Tony asked, giving him a suspicious look.

Loki laughed. "I can't promise that my creative endeavours won't go down the road of destruction," he said. "Moreover, I can't promise that what I create can't be used as a weapon, to use your words."

"Fair enough." Tony nodded. "So, what _do_ you want to create?"

"Life," Loki replied simply.

Tony stared. "Are you for real? Jarvis how many times have I asked that question, no, don't answer that, are you serious?"

"Yes." The corner of Loki's mouth curled upwards ever so slightly.

"Life," Tony said. "Jeez, go knock up a girl, will you, what even, did we just have a long and meaningful discussion about ethics and shit just so - you know what, forget it. Go away and take those books with you and come back when you want to build something." Tony shooed Loki towards the door.

"Thank you for your time," Loki said and left.

*

Steve was alone in the gym when Loki made his way down there for his fourth sparring session with him. He was sweaty and breathing hard, having clearly been at it for a while before Loki arrived.

He also looked like he hadn't quite got all his frustrations out.

"You're miserable," Loki said. "You're lonely."

Steve whirled around. "You don't know anything about me," he spat out.

"Maybe I don't know the history of your life, but I do know emotions." Loki touched the pile of punching bags. "I do know frustration when I see it, and I believe I have been here for long enough to guess where it stems from."

"Yeah?" Steve said, cracking his knuckles. "What do you think you know about me?"

Loki's lip curled up into a small smile. "You are naturally frustrated because your advances on Stark are futile."

Steve snorted.

"You ache for the times past," Loki then said, softly, speaking to the punching bags. "But it isn't only that which bothers you. You ache for a place to belong. It is strange that...I would've thought that someone like you would've fit right in with the ensemble."

"Someone like me?" Steve asked lightly, but there was a muscle jumping in his jaw.

"Someone so very righteous and innocent. It is a wonder that you aren't already best friends with Thor."

"Thor and I may have a lot in common, but we're hardly bosom buddies." Steve eyed up Loki. "Ready for sparring?"

"No. I would like to skip it today, if you don't mind. I have no desire to punch things and I desire even less to fight someone who's as unstable as you are today."

"Unstable...!" Steve's lips thinned. "Fine," he said, unravelling the tape around his hands. "So be it. I will write you up for it."

"I am quite prepared for that and I find that it doesn't distress me in the least." Loki smiled. "I really only came here to poke you a little. I wanted to see what kind of man you really are."

"And you don't see that every day?" Steve growled.

"I do see you every day," Loki agreed. "But everyone has a side of them that can be cruel, cold and nasty. What kind of nasty they are is what defines the man, wouldn't you think?"

Steve didn't answer.

"Take for example... oh, I know. Your television has a great many examples to choose from. Say a man is sweet and kind to his wife, is a good neighbour and a great father. All virtues, according to the television. But then he gets angry. He hurts his wife. Doesn't this then define him?" Loki asked, flicking away a piece of fluff from the topmost punching bag.

"People are made up from much more than that," Steve said. "A man who hurts his wife is not a good man in my eyes, but it is hardly all he is. He might be a diligent worker. Or he might not be. He might be a good friend, or he might not be."

"Perhaps." Loki looked at Steve. "I am merely interested in seeing what makes you crack. Stark suggested that kicking puppies would bring out the worst in you. I'm reluctant to test this theory."

Steve snorted. "I wouldn't be surprised if you drowned puppies for the fun of it."

"I do not," Loki said, lips curling up in distaste and...disappointment? "I do not enjoy killing for the sake of killing."

"Next you'll tell me you like puppies."

"I do like puppies," Loki said. "I had a puppy once. Well, we thought it was a puppy at the time. Thor and I took it home in secret, but when it grew up we realised it wasn't a puppy."

"What, was it some kind of monster?"

"You could say so." Loki cocked his head. "I shall tell you a story, Steve Rogers, about this puppy of ours." He sauntered around the pile of punching bags. "It's not a very long story, but i doubt you will have problems understanding the moral of it."

He paused. "It starts like this. There were two little boys, Thor and Loki, whom you have already met. But in this story they were still little and didn't know yet that there were worlds outside Asgard. For the matter of it, they knew very little of the world outside the palace, as they were only -" Loki frowned. "I would say, in human years, their maturity levels would've been that of seven year old and a five year old."

Steve nodded to show he understood, eyeing Loki warily.

"The boys skipped out of the palace one day. They didn't dare go very far - not so far that they couldn't see the palace. In the forest they found a black little pup, with tufted ears and yellow eyes and a pink tongue. It was an adorable little thing, with tiny claws and clumsy paws and it greatly enjoyed having its belly petted." Loki smiled. "So naturally, the boys took the pup home. They kept it hidden from their parents and chambermaids and servants and they kept it hidden from their other friends, for the puppy was their little secret."

"What happened then?" Steve asked.

"The puppy grew in size. Thor brought it scraps from the kitchen and I brought it fine meat sneaked away at the dinner table. It gobbled it all up. It was a playful little thing, very obedient. It would lick our faces when we came to see to it. It would play our silly little fetch games." Loki seated himself gingerly on the punching bags. "Then, one day, it grew too big. When it would playfully snap at our hands, we would bleed. It would no longer obey simple commands."

Loki looked Steve straight into the eye. "The little pup wasn't a pup at all. I believe the closest Earthly approximation would be something between a wolf and a lion. It was quite feral."

"It was a wild animal," Steve said.

"It was," Loki agreed. "By nature it was a quite violent beast, unpredictable and mercilessly cruel. It is a beast of the sort that mothers fear would snatch their children...We tried to tame it, of course. I was perhaps too little to know what the best way to go about it was, but Thor had already taken some lessons in dog dressing, and with our combined efforts, we did everything we could." Loki shrugged. "Eventually, we were forced to call upon our servants and ask for their help. The pup was slain."

Steve almost looked shocked. "Surely that wasn't necessary."

"Oh, but it was," Loki said. "For you see, this wild beast would rather have died than learned to live in bounds. Such is their pride and nature. So you see, the moral here is that monsters can't be tamed."

He stood up.

"I do not understand why you insist on trying to tame monsters, when it is such an impossible task. It can't be done. Or would you say you have succeeded in training Doctor Banner?" Loki raised an eyebrow. "On the surface perhaps." He shrugged. "And try as you might, you'll not succeed in training _me_."

Loki walked out of the gym, Steve looking after him.

*

"Brother, I wish to speak with you."

Loki turned away, smoothly slipping a small jewel into the pouch it came from. "Go away." He put the pouch around his neck, tightening the string to secure it.

"No." Thor stepped inside. "I have given you space and I have given you time. Are you so angry with me that you will not speak to me at all?"

"What do we have to speak of, Thor?" Loki turned to face him. "We are not brothers, you and I. You met me on the other side, remember?" He sneered. "Perhaps it was vain to hope you would join me, but the disappointment is no less for it."

"Can we not speak of it?" Thor asked, closing the door behind him. "In three months you are free of your bonds. I fear that you will leave me completely and I hope that you will not."

Loki sighed. "Fine. What do you want to talk about?" He gestured at the other chair in the room. "Make yourself comfortable."

Thor seated himself with care and then leaned forwards, resting his arms on his knees. "Brother," he said, putting particular emphasis on the word, "I am sorry that we had to fight. I have since realised there might've been a better solution than physical fighting, but it is easy to be wise after the event."

"I think you do not understand all the ways in which you have hurt me," Loki said. "I don't want to speak of it."

"Can we not mend our relationship?" Thor asked, looking genuinely upset. "Can we not put the past behind us and start afresh?"

Loki regarded him for a moment and then looked away, crossing his arms. "I don't know how you think we can just do that. Isn't our past too vast to forget?" He looked up. "Do you honestly _want_ to forget?"

"No," Thor admitted. "I am only trying to find out how to regain your trust and love."

"Oh, Thor," Loki laughed, his laughter hollow and tired. "I don't particularly want to admit it, after all that has happened, but you still have my love." He shook his head. "No, it is not that which is the problem, Thor, the problem is that I'm not the one you think I am."

"I'm pleased to hear that you still love me," Thor said. "But I am confused. What do you mean when you say you're not the one I think you are?" Thor frowned. "You are the same person I grew up with. Nothing can change that."

"Perhaps not, but I am not the same anymore, Thor. Can you imagine what it is like to discover that your whole life is a lie?" Loki looked away. "I've been through purgatory, Thor. I came out on the other side a bitter man. I came out a puppet, a tool - do you really think it was my intent to enslave the inhabitants of this planet?" He clicked his tongue. "I'm not such a fool that I would think it possible."

Thor looked up, thunderstruck. "Do you mean to say that you were acting on behalf of someone else?" he asked, reaching for Loki's arm. His hand wrapped around his wrist as he searched Loki's face. "Please tell me, brother, so that we may -"

"What, Thor?" Loki cut him off. "You cannot fight him." He made a face. "He is too strong, too clever. And he'll come for me."

"Who is it?" Thor demanded. "I will not allow him to hurt you."

"We are not children anymore," Loki reminded him, but his voice was gentle. "You can't protect me. This isn't your battle, it's mine, and I must fight it alone."

"Is there nothing I can do?" Thor pleaded. Loki looked at him, and then all of a sudden, his former aloofness melted away and he smiled.

"It pains you, does it not?" he asked. "You still think it's your duty to look after me."

"It's a duty born of love," Thor said.

Loki sighed. "Yes, I'm aware." He straightened up and the mask slid back in place. "There's nothing you can do, so you'd do best to forget about it."

Thor's face hardened in turn. "Won't you please tell me who it is?"

"The knowledge would be of no use to you," Loki said. "But all right, I'll tell you." He turned to face Thor full on, his jaw hard and eyes smoldering with anger. "His name is Thanos. You might remember him from the stories the Allfather told us when we were children. He snatched me up when I fell and when he was done with me, I had no choice but to comply. He's after the infinity gauntlet, Thor. He can't reach it on his own so it was my job to retrieve it for him. Obviously, I failed."

There was a long moment in which Thor stared at Loki and Loki sat motionless, gazing back.

"You see the precarious situation I find myself in," Loki eventually continued. "I knew that I was never going to return to Asgard as anything but a prisoner, but I did not inform him of this fact." He paused. "See, I am not particularly interested in him possessing it, so I sabotaged the plan - at great cost to myself, but what other choice did I have?"

"I would've supported you," Thor exclaimed. "We all would have!"

"No, Thor." Loki shook his head, a little sad smile playing about his lips. "It would've been impossible. Would you have wanted Thanos to come knocking on Asgard's door?" He raised an eyebrow. "I did what I thought was best. The gauntlet remains in the Allfather's treasury. I was banished to Niflheim, as expected...Then I heard he was coming for me."

"And you came here," Thor concluded. "Did Thanos hurt you so?"

"Oh, no, the credit for my injuries goes to the _lovely_ guards in Niflheim," Loki answered. "Turns out I'm not exactly held in high esteem among the Jotuns, would you believe it? That's the price for murdering their king, I suppose. Common torture by the hands of common servants." Loki brushed Thor's hand away. "Leave me be. I have told you what you wished to hear."

Thor stood up. "This conversation is not over," he said. "I will find a way in which we can defeat Thanos together. I will not allow him to take you."

"No need," Loki said. "I have a plan. Do you not know me?" The corner of Loki's mouth tugged into a half smile. "I am already solving everything. You'll only get in my way, Thor. Please leave the matter be."

"I will find a way," Thor repeated.

"Do as you want, Thor." Loki answered with a small sigh. "You will find your endeavours futile."

Thor gazed at Loki for a long time, conflicting emotions passing over his face. "I will leave you for now, brother. May you rest well in the night."

Loki regarded Thor. "There's a certain point where you realise there's no turning back to the way you were," he said. "I hope you realise that our relationship can never regain equilibrium."

"It shall not hinder me in trying," Thor answered. "As with all important things in life, one must always seek to improve the status quo."

"Stubborn as always," Loki said. "Good night." He turned away.

*

"MAN OF FIERY ANGER!" Tony cried as he walked into Fury's office, closely followed by Thor. "Do you like it?"

"What do you have to say to your defense?" Fury asked, glaring at him.

"Thor," Tony said.

Thor shrugged helplessly. "I fear I may have said something funny earlier today," he admitted. "Although it was not my intention."

Fury sighed. "What do you want?" he said, turning his glare back on Tony.

"We need to know more about this space convention," Tony said. "Specifically the part where it says about protection of prisoners from their former evil overlord."

"We would like to know how specific the law is in regards to my brother's protection," Thor clarified. "I have received new information and it greatly upsets me. I would be heartened to ascertain where he stands with the law."

There was a brief moment in which Fury stared at them. "New information," he said. "Why have I not been briefed on this?" He lifted his arm slowly and pushed a button on his watch. "Agent Coulson. Would you kindly -"

" _I'll bring the papers_ ," Coulson said.

"Thank you." Fury lowered his arm. "Now," he said, eyeing the two of them, "why don't you sit down and tell me what the fuck is going on?"

Thor took the seat directly in front of Fury while Tony hung back, only sitting down when Fury had glared at him long enough.

"Fine," Tony muttered. "I don't even know why I'm here, this is Thor's gig. Except for the part where there might be an alien supervillain heading for my tower."

"I sense that this is not an immediate threat," Fury said. "Please, do go on."

"It is as follows," Thor said and cleared his throat. "Loki revealed to me that he was acting on another's instructions when he attacked Earth. This is distressing, as this is no other but Thanos himself."

Fury didn't blink, even if he clearly wanted to ask who Thanos was.

"Thanos is interested in punishing Loki for failing to accomplish the task he was set by him; he escaped not Niflheim due to inappropriate treatment, but because word had reached him that Thanos was coming."

"So what you're saying," Fury said, tapping the desk with his index finger, "is that there's an honest to god supervillain out there who's after our prisoner."

"Yes," Thor confirmed.

"And you have it on good authority that this Thanos is coming to Earth?"

"I trust Loki's word."

"Can we talk about how there's a supervillain heading for Earth and not where the information comes from?" Tony said. "I want to talk about that."

"Why didn't he inform us earlier?" Fury asked.

"He did not want to speak of it," Thor said. "He has told me to stay out of the issue, as he must deal with Thanos himself. I respect his wishes, but yet I would like to know how far the law will go to protect him."

Fury raised his arm, but before he could call Coulson again, the door to the office opened.

"The relevant clause in the Suhurmasku Intergalactic Convention of War," Coulson said, distributing copies to everyone present.

"It's a blank page," Tony said.

"Indeed it is," Coulson confirmed. "There is no clause in the convention that addresses this particular situation. The closest we get is a clause pertaining the treatment of the prisoner in captivity. There _is_ a clause that places the responsibility of the prisoner's well-being in the hands of the detaining power, but there is no clause that expressly puts Loki at a juridic advantage if he were to face Thanos in court."

Thor's face fell.

"Can I say how it's really creepy that you know all this and yet you were not present when any of this information was discussed," Tony pointed out. "Very. Creepy."

Coulson smiled. "I am a man of many talents, Stark."

"Creepy," Tony repeated. He handed Coulson back the blank page. "So what now?"

"Now SHIELD comes up with a strategy to defeat Thanos," Coulson said. "If you would excuse us, we need to debrief Thor."

Tony got up. "Send the infomail round to the tower once you're done, I have tinkering to do."

"I thank you for your time," Thor said to Tony, then sighed. "I am afraid I do not know much about Thanos, other than what Odin has told me through tales..."

*

Loki was glaring at Thor and Thor was stubbornly overlooking the table.

"SHIELD has assigned us with the task of creating a battleplan for the event of Thanos' arrival," Thor said. "I believe Coulson has already informed you of this?"

"Yes," Steve said, frowning at the memo.

"This reads like Greek mythology to me," Bruce said. "How curious."

"Like how Thor is a Norse god in myth, but in reality he's an alien from a stationary meteorite large enough to have its own atmosphere and ecosystem?" Tony asked. "Sounds legit."

"What are we really up against?" Natasha asked. "We have no intelligence. The situation right now is: someone is coming, but we don't know when or where. Will be he bring an army? Is he coming alone? Are we facing infiltration or a full on attack?"

"He won't bring an army," Loki said, speaking up with reluctance. "His only interest in this planet is me, sorry to say."

Everyone's heads swivelled to look at him. Loki glared at them all.

"It's unlikely that you will detect his presence at all. He'll sneak in. There is nothing that you can do, so please, stop trying. I am working on solving this problem myself."

"How do you propose to solve it?" Bruce asked. "Out of curiosity."

"Certainly not with brawn," Loki answered. When Bruce continued looking at him expectantly, he sighed. "There is someone I plan to visit and bargain with." He stood up. "That is all."

"Loki," Thor said, but Loki raised his hand. "I beg your pardon, brother, but I do not need a group of people whose primary fighting resource is physical to thwart my plans. I am sure you have only the best intentions, but please do trust me when I say I must do this alone."

"I resent that," Natasha said, but Loki ignored her and walked out of the room.

"That went well," Tony said and Steve glared at him.

*

Steve found Loki in the library.

"You're late," he said.

"I apologise," Loki said, looking up from the book he was reading. "Time ran away from me." He paused. "It might interest you to know that you are the only one who stubbornly insists on adhering to the brainwashing programme."

"I have my principles," Steve said. "Could you please refrain from calling it a brainwashing programme?"

"What else would you call it?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow. "Training programme? Why, that makes it sound like you're training a dog. To you, that is perhaps the same."

"No," Steve said, crossing his arms. "You are a man."

"By your standards or by your principles?"

"One and the same."

"Interesting." Loki closed his book. "I find you quite amusing, Steve Rogers, Man Out Of Time. Such strong principles. Such stubbornness. Such lack of insight."

"What did you say?"

"You do not realise that your principles do not always match up with reality," Loki said. "Or have you not noticed that our sessions are futile?"

"I believe in the good in everyone," Steve said. "I believe you have good inside you, too. I aim to find it."

"And when you have found it, should such a thing be possible, am I redeemed?" Loki spread his hands. "Me?" He smiled coldly. "Perhaps you would be better off doing something else."

"No," Steve said. "I refuse to believe that someone whom Thor loves so much is pure evil."

Loki sighed. "I find it tiresome that I am to be measured against Thor, always. Have you considered looking for another scale of measure, perhaps? I believe this one is faulty."

Steve sat down. "How?"

"Why, but Thor is highly subjective. He is inherently flawed. But that is not the entire problem," Loki said, conversationally. "The problem is that Thor sees my entire history. Once, I was good. I was sweet, I was happy, I was a child. Thor sees that which was, but isn't anymore. So your scale, you see," he said, gesturing, "is flawed."

"I think you are wrong in one regard," Steve argued. "Thor, very much like me, _wants_ to see the good in people. I have seen something good in you-"

"Interesting statement from someone who just said he was still looking for it," Loki said.

"I have seen it in the way you look at Thor when he's asleep. I have seen it when you create something and it is functional, beautiful and non-deadly. I have seen it when you volunteer blood and tissue samples to Bruce and make him happy." Steve gave Loki a pointed look. "In fact, I haven't seen you be outright cruel to anyone in this tower in all the time you have been here. You have been helpful, polite and approaching kind."

"I am no saint," Loki said.

"No," Steve agreed. "You can be quite a terror to be around as well. When you're in a mood, the entire tower feels it. You can be terribly impolite, you use crude language sometimes, and you are incredibly sexist. You have flaws."

"I do," Loki agreed, eyeing Steve suspiciously. "What is your point, exactly?"

"We are _all_ flawed."

"Oh, do tell me something I don't know," Loki huffed. "This was quite a revelation. Astoundingly insightful."

"Be that as it may," Steve said. "What I'm trying to say is, you are no different from the rest of us."

"I find it interesting that I, the villain in this story, get compared to the heroes and pronounced the same. There's a discrepancy here."

"Not quite." Steve leaned back in his chair. Loki was fiddling with the book, smoothing a thumb up and down its spine. "Your deeds aren't that different from ours. Every Avenger - all these people you call heroes - we've all done some bad stuff."

"You've done bad stuff in the name of good," Loki pointed out.

"Were it only that easy," Steve said. "No, we haven't. Some of us have darker pasts than others, but what it all boils down to is _choice_."

"What have you done, Steve Rogers, Paragon Of Virtue?" Loki asked snidely. "What are your darkest secrets?"

"My darkest secrets aren't the point here," Steve said.

Loki was surprised. "Oh?"

"What are _your_ choices?" Steve then asked. "Your entire life consists of choices. They make you into the person you are today, and the choices you make today make the person you are tomorrow. So I'm asking, out of interest, what are your choices?"

"Self-preservation," Loki answered.

"Is it that simple?" Steve looked at him. Loki scowled.

"No, I suppose it isn't," he said. "There are choices to be made within that choice."

"And?"

"I'm choosing for there to be no bloodshed," Loki said, grumbling. "Why must you try to make me admit these things?"

"Why must you insist on painting yourself in a bad light?" Steve countered.

"You make it sound like it's a choice," Loki said. "When it's fact."

"Ah, but is it fact?" Steve gave him a sly smile. "Fact has basis in truth. What is the truth that makes you _bad_?"

Loki glared at Steve. "This," he hissed and transformed. Blue spread over his skin, his eyes turned red and grooved markings appeared in a strange geometrical pattern on his face and throat, extending downwards behind the fabric of his clothes. "Do you see?"

"No," Steve said simply. "You're blue. Does the colour blue make you a bad person?" He cocked his head.

"Have you not been told that frost giants are monsters?" Loki snarled.

"Ah, I see," Steve stood up. "This is exactly the reason why I am sticking to the programme. It isn't about brainwashing you into a saint. It isn't about making you into someone you aren't. It's about making you realise that who you are and who you choose to be aren't always one and the same thing."

"Crypticness doesn't suit you," Loki said, the blue colour retreating. The red in his eyes faded. "Your statement is false, by the way. Who you choose to be is always the person you are."

"Correct," Steve said. "Who you are is who you choose to be. But to get there, you must have a starting point."

"And your point is?" Loki said, rubbing his forehead. "That I choose to be someone who I am not right now to become who I am? Please, your Earthly philosophies are ridiculous."

"No, the point is that you are only a monster if you choose to be a monster." He looked Loki in the eye. "Would you say that Bruce is a monster?"

Loki blinked in confusion. "Is this a trick question? Doctor Banner has said to me that he and the monster are one and the same."

Steve didn't answer.

"Fine." Loki glared at him. "No, I wouldn't. Only sometimes."

" _When_ is he being a monster?"

"When he pricks me in the arm and I'm not prepared for it," Loki said. "Honestly? I'm so done with this discussion, to make use of Stark's crude language."

"All right," Steve said, holding up his hands. "We'll end it here. I'll just say one more thing before I go, if I may?"

"Go ahead." Loki made an impatient gesture.

"The specific action you described, the action you said makes Bruce a monster - it is an action he does when he's _Bruce_. Hulk is defined by most as the monster, so thank you for proving my point that the actions make the monster."

"Do not twist my words," Loki said, furious. "Get out."

"You said it, not I," Steve said and walked out.

*

Without telling anyone, Loki opened a rift in time and space in his bedroom in Stark Tower and went to Hel.

"Loki," Hela said, surprised, and then, "father."

"Hello," Loki said and knelt by her feet. "I hope you fare well."

She looked down at the top of his head. "I'll admit that I am lonely," she eventually said. "What brings you here? You are not dead."

"No, I am not - unfortunately for you, perhaps." Loki looked up. "You've grown up."

"I've been grown up for a long time," she said, chastising. "You didn't come here to see me."

"I also came here to see you," Loki corrected her.

"Oh?" She fixed her skirts. "What do you require of me this time?"

"I require nothing of _you_ ," Loki said. "In fact, I require nothing of no one, at present. I only hope to drive a bargain home with someone."

"And for that you need me?" Hela raised an eyebrow.

"No." Loki smiled softly. "I came here because I wanted to see you and because I needed a place where Death would not disturb."

"You don't come to see me nearly often enough." Hela paused. "I heard you were prisoner up above."

"I was," he confirmed. "I escaped. I am now living on Midgard." He smiled wryly. "It is a punishment unlike any other I have endured."

"What is Midgard like?" Hela leaned forwards. "I imagine it is very interesting."

"Oh, very. It holds knowledge and wisdom not known to us, but it is also severely lacking in certain things, that I cannot give them - neither as myself nor as facilitator. It is quite interesting, but some things are best learned by oneself, or so _I_ have learned." He silenced, looking at her feet. "Forgive me, for I speak too freely."

"Not at all," she said. " _Father_. Would you not...indulge me in these stories?"

"I have an appointment with Death," he said. "But Death comes when Death will, so perhaps I have the time to tell you a story or two."

"Thank you," she said softly, and Loki turned and leaned against her throne. Her hand, cold as ice, found his head and her fingers threaded through his hair. "Tell me of the Midgardians."

"It is funny," Loki started, drawing circles in the dirt floor. "I once thought Midgardians were below me, that they were lesser creatures. A lot has changed since then, and while I do think that Midgardians are awfully backwards at times, located in some kind of dark age, they _have_ progressed. I have learned Midgardian history - or should I specify, I have learned the Midgardian history which they regard as western history, and I am currently reading about eastern history. Be that as it may - _they_ believe that they are at the height of their civilisation. They believe that they exited the dark ages a couple of centuries ago, experienced their Era of Enlightenment and are now in what they call the Modern Era, which is terribly adorable."

Hela giggled.

"The Modern Era itself has several sub-eras, if you can call it such, and the Midgardians believe themselves to be in an Information Era, of sorts. It has to do with social network websites and such, which would take too long for me to explain to you. The short version is: there exists an ethereal network called 'the internet' through which the Midgardians communicate. They do so via social network websites, a website being a sort of hub in this ethereal network. It allows them social interaction without actually being present, which is quite convenient, but also rather strange."

Loki leaned into Hela's touch.

"I think you would like it. You would have quite a lot of friends on facebook, I believe." He smiled.

"This is all so exciting," Hela said. "How did they create this network?"

"I do not know," Loki admitted. "I believe it is quite complex. Perhaps one day I might understand it." He paused, contemplating. "It is strange," he said, slowly, "how backwards they are in certain regards, but yet so forwards in others. They have not yet learned how to preserve their planet, but they have learned how to utilise their mechanics to create complex things, such as the internet. I feel... I feel as if Asgard could learn from them. It is quite a strange feeling."

"Do you really think so?" Hela asked. "I would like it if this internet existed here. I would like to be able to communicate with you and others without needing your physical presence." She made a face. "So long as I'm stuck here, anyway."

"I may ask Stark if he could tell me how to create an internet for you," Loki said. "It would hurt my pride to do so, but I would do it for you."

"Who is this Stark?" Hela resumed carding her fingers through Loki's hair. "May I braid your hair?"

"If you wish," Loki answered and Hela slid off the throne to kneel next to Loki. "I don't know how to begin explaining Stark," he said. "That man is a mystery to me."

"You sound like you respect him," Hela remarked as he carefully selected a lock of hair and started separating the strands.

"There are few people I respect," Loki said. "I could count them on less than one hand."

"That's very few," Hela said.

"I agree." Loki held up his hand. "I respect Death." He folded down his thumb. "I respect Life." He folded down his index finger. "And those two are not people, exactly."

"Then they don't count," Hela stated. She was halfway done with Loki's tiny little braid.

Loki smiled and unfolded those fingers. "I respect my children," he said and folded down his thumb.

"That's more than one finger."

"I know," Loki said. "But you'll get one finger to share for now." He contemplated the remaining four fingers and then folded down his index finger. "I respect Mother."

"Good one," Hela acknowledged. She tore a decorative string of silver from her dress and tied the braid. "And this Stark? You never answered my question."

"I respect Stark," Loki said, folding down his middle finger. "I believe I truly do. He is very intelligent and he creates a great deal of complex items, some of which he has given life, artificial as it is. He is a rare man not only among Midgardians, but also..." he trailed off. "I respect Thor, much as it pains me to say it."

He folded down his ring finger, smiling bitterly.

"I don't want to, but the truth is that I hold him in high regard all the same."

"There's one finger left," Hela said softly. She tore off another silver string and was now weaving it into a second braid. "Is there one for that?"

Loki wiggled the finger. "I don't know. A few people come to mind, but no one I can say with certainty that I respect. Fear and respect are not the same thing."

"Who do you fear?" Hela asked, her voice soft and quiet.

"The time has passed where I could say 'I fear nothing', hasn't it?" Loki sighed.

"Well," Hela said. "I am no longer a child. I have learned that my parents aren't the untouchable, unmovable figures I once thought they were."

"And you don't wish to hang on to the illusion?" Loki asked. "I would do you the favour."

"I don't need favours. I need the truth," Hela said. "Though you do not have to answer my question."

Loki was quiet for a long while and Hela finished the braid, the silver string in it illuminating the black of his hair. She started another.

"I fear a great many things," Loki eventually said. "My greatest fear is losing the ones I love. Some I have lost already. Others could just as well have been lost."

"Like me?" Hela asked.

"Yes," Loki said. "You are my daughter, my bright, shining daughter, and it pains me to know of you locked away here, doomed to rule over the dead. The gloom doesn't suit you."

"One grows accustomed to it," Hela said.

"One grows accustomed to captivity," Loki agreed. He then continued: "I fear Thanos. Not...not because of who he is, but because of what he can do. He is a threat not only to me, but to my loved ones. And I have learned to love a lot of things, Hela. I would be sad to see them go."

"Ultimately, love is selfish," Hela said. "Or why else would you fear? It is not the loss itself you fear, but the pain you will experience."

"Yes," Loki agreed, amused. "It is quite so."

Hela finished the braid and tied it with a silver string. "I believe Death is here," she said. "Whatever you are planning to do, be careful."

Loki stood up, slowly. "I will," he promised and bent down to give his daughter a kiss on the top of her head.

Death approached Loki, gliding over the floor of Hela's hall. She - for Death looked decidedly female - was swathed in dark fabric and even darker shadows, which swirled around her as she moved.

Loki stood, back straight and head held high, and waited.

"Why here?" Death asked, when she had closed the distance between them. "Your quarters would've sufficed."

"Allow me this dramatic flair," Loki said, bowing slightly. "I wanted to meet you in the realm of death. I also wanted to visit my daughter."

"Of course," Death said and smiled. There was something cold in that smile. "And you wanted to see me for which reason exactly?"

"You already know," Loki said. "Your omniscient majesty."

"Oh, I _know_ ," Death said sweetly. "I just wanted to hear you say it. It was you who wanted the dramatic touch, wasn't it? So let's keep the theatricals up for a little while."

Loki smiled. "As you wish." He bowed again. "I've come here because I wish to bargain with you."

"And what kind of bargain would that be?" Death glided over to Hela's throne, letting her fingertips run over the armrest lightly.

"A bargain for my life as well as others'," Loki answered. "I have a little problem that I think you could help me with."

Death seated herself in the throne, crossing her legs and leaning back. "Ah, is that so." Her eyes twinkled. "I must say, I am greatly entertained. Tell me of this problem which is bothering you."

"Thanos is bothering me," Loki said simply." I did not complete the task he set for me, and so he wishes to punish me. It is quite simple, as it is an act of revenge I wish to avoid."

"Thanos," Death murmured, closing her eyes for a moment. "What has he done now?"

"He wants the infinity gauntlet," Loki said. "Naturally, I could not let him have it. I was to be his, shall we say...puppet. The dog to fetch the master the item he desired, et cetera, how is that for dramatics?" He smiled. "I went along with his plan, knowing that it wouldn't work, for Thanos, in his arrogance, didn't know the law...not to mention that he didn't know that my dear brother and his new friends would be fighting me."

"How very interesting." Death sat up. "The infinity gauntlet is safe."

"If Odin can be trusted, yes," Loki said. "Though in this matter, I think he can be trusted."

"And you utter these words so easily," Death said. "You're a very interesting being, Loki. I do wonder what you have to bargain with, if it isn't your own life."

"You know what I've got to bargain with," Loki replied.

"Of course I do." Death smiled serenely. "It's almost too easy. Now, tell me. What do you want from _me_?"

"I want you to put your differences with Thanos aside," Loki said. "And convince him that I'm not worth the trouble. I know what he desires, and if you can give him that, why should he focus on such petty matters as revenge?"

"It is not small favour you ask of me, Asgardian," Death said. "You would have to offer me something of equal or greater value than that, if I were to do it."

"And who's to say that I won't?" Loki offered a small smile. "I know what you desire as well. I can give it to you - on one condition."

"Such a thing - no, I wonder... why would you give me such a big thing for so small a matter as yours?" Death asked, rising from the throne.

"It is no small matter to me," Loki answered. "It is worth it."

Death looked Loki in the eye, searching his soul. "And if I refuse?" she asked.

"You won't," Loki said, looking right back at her.

"You make it too easy," Death said and took one step down. "There is no bargaining to be done."

"Is that so?" Loki raised an eyebrow. "No bargaining for the terms of the offer?"

"Very well." Death raised her right hand and made a swift, sweeping motion. A scroll of parchment and a quill appeared. "If you would name your terms, please."

"You will assume control over Thanos by giving him what he desires - Death; this meaning you as the entity and death as the thing itself. By doing so, you will convince him that he no longer needs to seek revenge on me, either by hurting me directly or indirectly, and that he also no longer needs to possess the infinity gauntlet, as no other desire is as great his desire for Death. Did I miss anything?"

"No," Death said thoughtfully. The quill was scratching away on its own accord. "To do you this favour, I will receive the eighth and last infinity gem, the second of the two secret gems that were forged; for the death gem I already possess and the life gem I will come into possession of when you give it to me."

"Correct," Loki said. The parchment floated over to him and he read it over. "Do I have your word?"

"You have my word," Death said, "and my signature." She held her hand over the parchment scroll and a drop of dark red blood fell onto it.

Loki picked up the quill and signed his own name underneath the dark splotch. "Then you have mine."

The parchment and quill curled up and vanished. Loki reached into his robes and drew out a small pouch. He opened it gently and took out the small, bright gem within. Death eyed the gem, her eyes dark and fiery.

"How did you know that I desired the gem of life?" she asked as Loki put it back into the pouch and handed it over.

"I didn't," Loki said. "I took a chance and ran with it."

"I don't believe it," Death said, dark shadows rising behind her. Loki regarded her for a short moment.

"Very well," he said. "I took a chance, but I took that chance based on logical analysis as well as a good amount of guesswork. I asked myself the question: _What does Death desire?_ and found the answer simple enough. You see, someone whose power is not giving life but taking it, someone who embodies an abstract and literal concept such as death itself, what would they desire? Life. You've never given life, only taken it." Loki looked her in the eye. "I could've been wrong. I took the chance that I wasn't."

"You are an interesting one," Death said. "I would have quite liked to take your life... I will return for you, but not before it is your time, I think."

"Thank you." Loki bowed.

Death regarded him, then nodded. "You have my word," she said as she glided away.

Loki looked after her, but she became more and more incorporeal and then - she was gone, as if she'd never been there.

"Father?" a small voice from behind the throne said, and Loki turned around. "How did you come to possess that gem?"

"That, I think, is a story for another day," Loki answered, holding out his hand for her. "It's not a long story, but it does set quite a bad example."

"You stole it!" she gasped, one hand coming up to cover her mouth. Her eyes were wide in shock and amusement. "Oh, how exciting!"

"Not so eager." He was still holding out his hand and she took it. "I wish I could stay longer, but I have to go. It was a delight to see you again."

"Must you?" Hela asked, looking at her hand in Loki's.

"I'm afraid so. I'm breaking a couple of laws to be here, and I'd rather not they find out." He smiled sadly, bringing one hand up to touch her cheek. "Be well."

"You too," Hela said, sadness tinting her voice. "Oh, that I shouldn't be so alone all the time!"

"You won't be alone forever," Loki said. "It's written in the stars."

"That's what you always say. It might've soothed me when I was little, but..."

"You need the truth," Loki said, with a little sigh. "It is the truth, baby girl. But I must go. Be well."

"Be well."

*

"I say we make a plan when the dude shows up!" Tony yelled. "What the fuck do you expect me to do about this _now_ , I have no intel, I have no nothing! We can't make contingency plans for an unknown entity!"

"Well, you don't have to," Loki said smoothly, walking into the kitchen. "Seeing as I have taken care of the problem." He opened the fridge and took out Thor's orange juice and started drinking from the carton.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean," Clint growled. "What the fuck even, what the fuck."

"He isn't coming," Loki said, then turned towards Thor, who was looking rather grim. "I told you not to bother with it, brother, but you didn't listen."

"I was worried," Thor protested. "I sought only to help!"

"It was quite unnecessary," Loki said. "I would apologise for the distress you have all been in, but it appears that it isn't actually my fault." He gave Thor a pointed look.

"In which manner have you solved the problem?" Thor asked, narrowing his eyes.

"In no which way you need to worry about," Loki said and put the carton of juice back into the fridge. "If you would excuse me, I have reading to do."

"No," Thor said forcefully, putting his arm out in front of Loki. Loki looked at it disdainfully.

"Really."

"I think we all deserve to know what the fuck just happened," Tony pointed out.

"Yeah," Clint said, arms crossed.

"Please," Bruce said, taking his glasses off to polish them.

Loki sighed. "Very well." He pushed Thor's arm away. "It was very simple. I made a bargain."

"With whom?" Thor demanded. Loki gave him an exasperated look.

"With Death," he said. "I didn't bargain my life away, so do not look at me like that. All this fuss is quite unnecessary. Death will see to it that Thanos will leave me, and everything else, for the matter, alone."

The kitchen was silent.

"Uhm, I guess someone should call Fury," Steve said.

"On it," Coulson said, busying with his phone.

"Is that it? Is that seriously it? That's not allowed, this is seriously the most anti-climactic climax I've ever experienced. This is not on. It can't possibly be this simple."

"Life is hardly ever like in the storybooks," Loki said. "There are no fireworks for this one."

"I want my money back," Tony demanded. Steve gave him an amused look.

"I can show you fireworks," Steve said and Tony opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. "It takes two, but it's nothing we can't handle."

"Did you just...?" Tony stood up, blinking at Steve. "You know what?" He looked over the kitchen and its inhabitants. "I am done. I. Am. So. _Done_."

_FIN_


End file.
